My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Hanging out in the ‘hood

I’m not gone from Toronto a week yet and there under the kitchen table TC is yelping away. During my visit, I handled the details to get him a decent mobile phone and he’s now paying the princely sum of ¬†$25 a month for unlimited calling/texting and he’s taking full advantage of calling me at every turn in the road. He thinks I’m a god. Ain’t he sweet?

He was off into the ‘hood last night to see one of his best friends who is a well known actor in the Toronto theater scene. He lives in the ‘hood and generally is to be found hanging out in the ‘hood. He’s also cute. That comment resulted in me being banned from ever meeting him. What can I say?

I’ve found that when TC re-emerges from the gayborhood, I get a yelping purring cat on my hands. His visits to his friend serve as a stark reminder that homoville is alive and well and the cocktail party is still underway. Underlying it all is a bit of¬†emptiness, you recognize people, there seem to be stories in every dark corner. Stories you’d rather not revisit.

I read only a few page of the Velvet Rage at a time. A gay therapist writing about gay problems. It’s an endless bellybutton inspection. Yes, we are all fucked up (suspect that’s the last sentence of the book, I should read ahead).

James Owen has been writing for the last year about “Cowboy Ethics” and about the declining lack of character in America. It’s not all negative. He’s finding spots of hope and renewed energy. I’ve seen a number of bad characters myself in the past years. But you and I, today, right now, can change that.

If you’re married and sucking cock, lying to your wife and family but mainly to yourself, isn’t that showing bad character? Yea, you can find some other daddy types in your boat, grab a beer and talk about how awful your situation is and likely justify amongst yourself that it’s ok. It’s not, it’s bad character, put in on the first line of your resume, “I am a bad character”. See how many phone calls you get wanting to hire you.

Similarly, if you’re a big homo whoring around 3 nights a week in search of the perfect dick but lamenting to your friends how “I can’t seem to find the right guy”. All the other whores nod in agreement. But isn’t this bad character as well. How is the different?

I don’t escape my own rath. What progress have I made in the past year? Some. Can I rationalize I’m not a bad character? Indeed yes. But truth be known, I’m not pleased with my own progress. Too much of a pussy to move the lever forward, I’ve endured enough crap, give me a break. Life is about dealing with crap all the time, perforated by brief moments of happiness. I write on.

1 Comment

  1. Chris: You are on a short leash, but I think you like it that way; it says TC is protective of you. That should boost your self esteem, you are someone worth fighting for. Despite your tough words, you want to be loved like anyone else.

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