My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Going once, going twice

It’s Saturday night, I’m home alone. TC decided to go out with his former boyfriend and roommate in London’s East end. He came home last night about 3 a.m. from work, slept until 1 p.m., coughing most of the night and left this evening, in the middle doing virtually nothing. I cooked him lunch and straightened up.

He keeps asking what’s wrong. What’s wrong is he’s close to getting the axe. I can put up with the cleaning, I can put up with the immaturity, what I can’t put up with is him making me feel bad. I feel bad enough already without any added assistance. I don’t know whether it’s experience or just common sense to have a prospective on "what does the other person think/need/want". Whatever it is, he doesn’t have it.  I’m too old to wait to see if he gets it.

Not helping matters, my wife has now totally switched off on me. Our communications are cold and business like. She admonishes me if I try and steer an emotional word in. No matter what I email, she seems to always interpret it opposite to what I was thinking.

I could do with some alone time. Collect my thoughts. Too often I operate at 500%, fearing that tomorrow won’t arrive. Yet I haven’t missed a tomorrow yet. Alone. Sounds scary. I’d always thought I was comfortable alone.

Unfortunately, tonight is Exilio Latino night, the weekly latin gay/lesbian club night. So I’m asking myself… what would Prof. Tim do in this situation? Got to run. 🙂

2 Comments

  1. ok… i spent WAY too much time reading through your blog 😉 and all I can truly tell you is this. What you are experiencing as a 46 year old not quite but almost single guy (orientation irrelevant) is that we are ALL experiencing the same thing as newly divorced/almost divorced/seriously looking at someone other than our spouses in our 30s and 40s.
    I’d love to say “damn, this guy is really gonna have it rough because…” but truly, it simply sucks to be single at our age. I have been almost divorced for about 3 years – and I’m not finding a man that remotely comes close to what I want. (I find pieces, but not the whole enchilada, and before you go off ranting… the list is isn’t exactly mindblowing)
    Chris, give it time, and when your gut says “he ain’t it” well… realize that 46 years of life experience, and all that amazing business acumen you have for assessing a situation is TELLING you something.
    You want love, we all want love. And when you find it, you’ll know it, and settling for less is settling. (and you did that once, remember?) My marriage was a “seemed like the thing to do” – and I denied part of who I was when I married, (not to the extent you did, but in a different way)
    You denied your true self for a long time. Spend some time getting to know the “new you” – and learn to enjoy being alone. (that’s the tough one)
    I wish you ALL the best in your journey. You may not have handled everything the way some folks think you should have, but I think you’ve handled it the best way you know how.
    Those boys of yours deserve to know their parents as happy people – that’s the best role model you could ever provide. Gay, straight or somewhere in between.
    sthrn

  2. Chris,
    I’d think seriously about the advise given above……
    Mark

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