My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Going down

Image359 TC steps onto the down escalator just past security at Dulles Airport. He turns back to me and waves, his soft brown eyes locking on to mine as he descends and then suddenly he is gone. Tears well in my eyes and a muffled choke comes from down deep. I quickly turn and walk away. My puppy is no more.

The taxi pulls into the drive of my Virginia home, the grass standing tall, my oldest son having failed to do his job as chief mower. Entering, the facility is in full operation, my wife is already working on dinner, "Steak or fish?", she asks. My two tax deductions emerge, mid-way in some non-stop argument that never seems to get past the mid-way point. A hug hello and the youngest one is dragging me out to go for a bike ride. A typical weekend for a married man in the suburbs. Little do they know what has transpired.

Later, exhausted from the weekend and refueled with exemplary cooking by my wife, I'm in my guest room when TC calls. His warm shy voice, my pup already misses me. I miss him too.

My job is normally about futures. Not what is, but what will be. It's not as hard as it sounds, lay out the pieces and draw a line through it to some point in the future. But perhaps it's because I refuse to draw that line that I don't wanna see what my own future will hold.

I do know that my wife & kids awoke up this morning, happy in some odd way that I am here and sometime in the next few hours in a suburb of Toronto, some toasty brown lump will finally stir, roll over and wish I were there as well. It's nice to be wanted.


  1. Chris, I keep finding the need to return to your blog as there are so many things in your life that I can relate to. I hate it when happiness seems just out of reach due to circumstances beyond our control.
    Your post touched a nerve in me yesterday where you said “I’ve never felt more loved by anyone and on the opposite end I’ve had moments where I couldn’t possibly be any angrier with anyone… Pushing buttons. Perhaps that what we need in our relationships. Someone to challenge all of our emotions. Reminding you that you’re alive. Keeping the game fresh.”
    I hope everything works out for you in the wash, through the insecurities and fear for what the future may hold; I can see a real bond between the two of you. Hugs.

  2. That’s funny how you called your kids ‘my two tax deductions’ 😛
    It sucks that things can’t just happen the way we want them to. It’s really great having read about you and TC from the beginning, and am glad that your love for each other has kept you both going up to this point.
    I forget sometimes how nice it is to be wanted. When I was single, it’s all I was hoping for and now that it’s happened, I get crazy and not want it. Your posts help remind me what the important things are, thanks. *Hugs*

  3. Not to be rude, but tricks will come and go. Your number #1 priority has to be your kids at this moment. They need you, as much as you need them. They love you unconditionally.
    I dont know TC, but the kid needs to grow up..on his own, with his parents. Give him that opportunity that you need to give your kids.
    That doesnt mean you should be single. DC has very smart, mature young guys. Take a risk, follow your heart, not your dick.

  4. Oh my DCResident… long have you been reading this blog…..TC (albit young) has been around for an entire year…..he hardly qualifies as a “trick”.

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