Prof. Tim thinks I haven’t seen the last of TC. His bet is that TC will follow me. TC’s actions over the last weeks show a deepening commitment and I’m already well down the road. Just what I need.
I have to be out of this great flat on Saturday. The company wants me in Cologne, Germany. I don’t have a new apartment sorted. The move, the uncertainy about living, a new situation and the concern about TC. TC has his own issues, he’s got to go home, he needs to sort his entire life out.
Prof. Tim had a valid question, “do you want to keep TC in your life?”. I’m not sure. So many things irriate me about him. I have lucid moments when I believe this is just all wrong. Nothing in my life seems stable for the moment and TC maybe just a branch that I’m grasping as I go downstream.
If I were to write up the “profile” of my type of guy. TC probably wouldn’t ding a single bell. Cultured, worldly, multi-lingual, educated, tidy, organized, reliable, caring — the adjective just flow. But yet get me 5 minutes away from him, I start missing him.
Am I holding on, simply to hold on, scared to go back into that den of thieves otherwise known as the gay community. Afraid of the unknown? Being alone? Being scared?
Probably yes to all of the above. Some time and space apart answer all these questions.