My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

The only gay in the village

The challenge in the gay community is meeting other people, especially if you’re in prowl mode. This is a problem, I’d guess, no matter your situation. You’re single and looking and since queers can’t hold down a relationship for long,  sounds like a great opportunity.

In London I had found the group The Village Drinks, who basically organized events for gay professionals to attend. Not the circuit party, loud thumping music type, but more of a cocktail party designed to get people talking. I arrived at my first event and my god, there were over 500 guys milling around. Village Drinks today has about 10,000 members. Immediately confirming what I had always thought, all British men are queer.

Most cities have informal meet-up groups, but most are not highly organized or professionally run, resulting in self limited groups of 100 members. Well it don’t take me long to sift through 100 guys and be done with it. I was thinking a bigger scale, say 1000 members, clearly a big enough pool for me to do my fishing in. Look for groups in your own city,, Yahoo groups, even Yelp! sometimes has specialty groups. Barring that, start your own group, party of one!

Poking around, as I do, I found this little group of professional struggling at 100 members and the organizer, a late 30’s professional wanting to step up his game. So I volunteered to help and we’re exchanging emails. One of his write-ups on requirements to help manage the group was to be “Publicly gay or willingness to be known publicly as gay”. I’m not exactly sure what this double talk means (the guy works for the federal gov’t – he wrote like IRS tax instructions). Is it possible not to be publicly gay but be willing to be known as publicly gay? I immediately went digging in my closet for my pink boa, I just saw it the other day.

Nonetheless, it’s a start and we’ll see where it goes. I encourage you to look for your own group wherever you might be, there are nice people out there and then there are the people I’m looking for.

TC UPDATE: The tiger has been told not to plan on being in the UK this weekend, he will be assigned to a ship Thursday afternoon and ticket in hand, fly to whatever the next port of call is. Communications with him are already sporadic, it’s only going to get worse. With all the other crap floating around me, he’s been a little growling rock of stability and it’s starting to feel like death by 1000 paper cuts.


  1. I am still waiting to see it but there was a documentary last year called Outrage. In it they discuss how DC may have more gays per capita than SF so you are in luck. I have been to DC many times and my friend use to live in Dupont circle, but I guess I was naive back then – 10 years ago – and was not aware that I was gay. Anyway, I enjoy reading your blog especially since it is now iPhone friendly. I will have to try to see if any of those clubs exist here when I do come out. Don’t give up on TC just yet. I would be extremely mad at you as well as lose some trust since we Asians are very private people. And he looks exactly as I thought he would look but I still would not recognize him if we were in the same room.

  2. That picture makes me want to go back in the closet and forget this whole coming out sh*t.

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