My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

* FLASH * Toronto Chris is gone

At 20:55 this evening, Easyjet Flight 5374 lifted off from the Cologne-Bonn airport into the dusky sky and turned westward towards London’s Gatwick airport. On board, a set of well worn roller blade skates, some touristy refrigerator magnets as gifts, dirty underwear and my little Tiger Cub. It’s a short 1 hour flight, but it might as well be on the other side of the earth. TC is gone.

I rode back on the airport train and walking the few remaining blocks to my flat, suddenly felt very alone.  We sat at the Lindt Choclate Museum cafe terrace directly on the Rhine this afternoon having coffee and cake. Our eyes locking periodically. A look of sadness, fear and uncertainty. The warmth of our many embraces in the past days, without a spoken word. We’ve agreed we both need a bit of time to think. Some distance away from the magnetic energy we have. Perhaps a visit sometime in July. Let things settle a bit. A mere 30 days, but it’s liking peering into the wrong end of a telescope, it sure looks a long ways away.

God relationships are hard. The alignment of two separate lives, each often unwilling to bend. There’s always a list as to why. Distance apart, age, do I know that person well enough, am I willing to be dependent upon them, or will they be dependant on me. I guess you can’t think too much about it. But yet we do.

This past week, TC and I have been much more open in public. He slept on my shoulder on the flight to Rome. His arm around me as we walked today. Patting my leg as we sat on the subway. People look, they try not to, hating to get caught with a staring glance, but it’s odd, two guys, a generation in age apart, acting like two puppies out romping around. We were indeed.

Tomorrow, I’m training it to Frankfurt, business calls. I’m going to bed. Good night.

1 Comment

  1. Chris I know how lonely it can be……
    Yes a month isn’t that long but when you are with someone pretty much 24/7 and if feels so damn good than it is forever.
    Keep blogging and I’ll keep reading.

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