My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Dream a little

Toronto¬†Chris extracts all kinds of emotions from me. He’s booked for London with his high school friend for September. I’m leaning on Prof. Tim as TC goes radio silent.

Prof. Tim wonders aloud whether TC and his high school buddy are going purely as “friends” to London. Maybe he ventures, TC is looking to get ‘together’ with his ‘friend’. I’m shocked. Prof. Tim knows TC quite well, but all the things that TC does, cheating likely isn’t going to be one of them. I am the cheater in this relationship!

TC today is 26 years old and our relationship defies all logic. He is immature, disorganized and totally¬†unrealistic. He’s a dreamer of dreams with all sorts of wild things he wants to do. He is though an excellent judge of people’s character. Neither of us have any real clue why we’re together, but put us into a room and sparks fly. Sometimes things catch up fire and there’s a mad rush to stamp it out. But there are sparks and it’s evident to anyone in the room. We are both powerless to control it.

With age comes prospective, at 26, I was working away, making money, being responsible, building my life, setting the framework. HELLO! Nearing 50 now with disasters all about, I’m not sure all my earlier effort paid off. So you know what, let him dream, let him roam about, crazy as it may be, he is alive and living.

Are you alive? We imagine doors closing as we get older, have to do the ‘right’ thing all proper you know. Who wrote those rules? I am perhaps living a life I failed to live thru the eyes of TC. My measurement of success was money and that is clearly a poor choice, I am adjusting.

Often we need a jolt to make us reexamine our lives. Sadly, this sometimes happens to parents with some family tragedy or massive upheaval to our otherwise ordinary lives. It’s too easy to live life within the margins.

TC Update: The growling tiger came out of his tree and resumed communication, less than 5 days to Toronto, we’ll make it.

3 Comments

  1. I think one of the things I find attractive about TC is his dreamer-ness. I think someone can be a dreamer and a roamer and write their own rules and still be mature in the way they treat others. Based on the interactions you describe, this is the maturity he is lacking and needs to gain.

    If you promise not to tell, I secretly hold out hope that you and TC will find your way to each other. The idea of a life where you can benefit from his free spirit and he can benefit from your stability is a compelling story.

  2. Chris — you should not look back on your life so far with regret. It sounds like it has been fulfilling both professionally and privately. Your current challenges do not diminish your accomplishments, let those remain while charting a future course. I too believe you will find a way to make it work with TC — you can complement/mentor his weaknesses by sharing your wisdom and experience. And he can give you a sense of reclaimed youth of what you perceived you missed out on. I hope you did something romantic to celebrate his birthday.

  3. Sort it out while you are there. He’s 26 and you are 50 (49 for the last 3 years but who’s counting).

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