My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Dodging a bullet

Image306 Murray stepped from the shower, into the hallway, a towel still wrapped around him. “Honey, I’m not feeling well.” An with that he dropped to the floor and was dead. A massive coronary. Murray was 40 and had been my best childhood friend.

As a teen ager, Murray was the center of my social scene. Everyone knew and liked him. I tagged along, a little socially inept. I was always amazed how he could chat with anyone of any walk of life. He was open and friendly. It was hard not to like him. I learned a lot from him about dealing with people. Lessons I continue to use today (mainly under duress).

I had long ago lost touch with Murray, a simple victim of growing up, moving away, seeing the world, I left my home town never to return, he stayed. In the aftermath of his death, I learned he had a son, Justin, he’s about 20 now. The substantiated rumour was that Justin was gay, a queer, a fag, a fruit – whatever suits you best.

I also learned that Murray had berated his son, treated him poorly, made him feel bad about himself. Murray, my dear friend, couldn’t deal with having a gay son. It must have been an ugly scene. The dark side of a southern gentleman. At first, I found this hard to believe, my friend Murray had been accepting of all types. All types I guess, so long as it wasn’t in the family.

No father wants a gay son. I think it’s primal, the need for a man to carry the family name onwards. A gay son likely means end of the line in the family tree. The thought of which means failure. Most men don’t accept failure easily and each deal with it differently. In Murray’s case the consequences were a bit more severe.

In my limited exposure to the gay world, I have met many guys whose fathers have done a real mind game on them. It leaves a lasting mark. Fathers making their sons a victim of their own frustrations. An unfortunate side effect from the “I’m different” proposition. Everyone in this situation has my sympathy, but sadly the world waits for no one.

I’m cheating the entire system. But I feel for the many young guys (and prospective friends of Chris, you young crispy ones, yes indeed) who in addition to enduring their own turmoil must endure the wrath of a father. God bless.


  1. I like this post. I know that with my two kids, in my heart I don’t want either to be gay, not because I have anythinig against gay (God knows, God made me gay), but because it is simply harder for any human being to grow up world in this world. What I find works best is spedning time, time, and time with my children, and letting them know by my time with them how much I love you. There is simply no subsitute for being there when your kids need you, whcih is all the time.

  2. I fully expect my younger son to be gay because he is so like me … but at least I will give him the unconditinal love and support that I did not get when I told my parents !

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