My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Do it again, are you serious?

Image316 TC and I are out last night in the city. We're in an outdoor cafe having Flammenkuchen, a medieval pizza from the Alsace region of France (Germany speaking). It's an ultra thin crispy bread with a little cheese and toppings but no tomato sauce. Chris is happily munching along and talking about having sex again tonight. We'd already done it twice during the day. "Are you trying to kill me?", I ask.

We go on to talk about what normal sexual appetite is. Having been married to a woman while secretly liking guys, I realized I'm not in touch with my own needs. What exactly is normal for me? Once a day, once a week, twice a month? Clearly there is no hard & fast rule (hard and fast – did I just say that?).

I've talked to my married and gay friends (in relationships) and it's not hard to find dissatisfaction. Inevitably, the bitching partner is complaining they want to do it more while their silent partner is generally happy with whatever the current frequency is. Perhaps the bitching partner finds other outlets, innocent to start, a little Internet porn, flirting in a bar, but what happens when it gets stepped up a bit. Not hard to imagine a regrettable incident.

I wonder why couple just don't talk about it. Actually I don't wonder. I lived the "don't talk about it" part already with my wife and hell bent not to have it happen in my next relationship. I told TC that no matter, I was going to force us to talk about all things personal and private, a "no secrets" policy.

I've surprised myself in how candid I will be with TC. 3-way sex, porn, toys, crazy things. I'm a pretty straight laced guy, but I don't want there to be any limits to what we would consider as a couple to make each other happy. If we aren't open and willing to make considerations to our partner, it creates a pressure deep in the relationship.

I'm by no means an expert offering advice to you, I barely heed my own advice myself. But defaulting to honesty is likely the best policy. Meanwhile, I just hope TC doesn't kill me with his rabbit like needs.

I love my long hair boys what can I say.

4 Comments

  1. So when are you planning the 3 way?

  2. Christ, Chris.
    Honesty is the best policy, certainly as a fall-back, but be careful of one person’s needs leading to the neglect of the others: acting on one person’s fantasy or “need” can be very destructive to the other member of the couple.
    I know a number of people who claimed to be perfectly happy in “open” relationships, only to end up with the rather sad fact that “open” really meant pretending it that the feelings engendered by openness didn’t exist, or didn’t matter. Sooner or later it did.
    This is not a rule: 1/4 of all straight marriages declare themselves “open,” as do 3/4 of gay relationships [interesting juxtaposition, that]. Surely some of those 3/4 are made up of people who are both fine with it. But, at least sometimes, one person accepts suffering for love of another who needs “openness.”
    I will put my trust in your goal of happiness “as a couple.” I think that is where to start, and where to stay.
    Good luck.
    T@C

  3. LOL, As if! As if those two cute little rabbits in small little tea cups would even think of a ménage a trios. You two are so cute. It’s nice to fantasize, but the reality is that you two rabbits are joined at the hip through faithfulness and fidelity.

  4. I think what you say is very important – McBrad and I discussed at length the whole sexual issue early on and have since had more discussions so that we each know where the other person is in relation to need/want/supply of sex. It can be difficult but works out for a much more healthy and happy relationship! 🙂

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