My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Differences in age

Alfonzo is one of TC's friends who is temporarily living in London. A cute 29 year old Canadian with South American roots, his bubbly personality has him chattering away as we meet him at a SoHo flat he's sharing with his partner, Walter. Alfonzo has known Chris for several years and his friendly eyes dart back and forth between us as he asks a bunch of questions.

Alfonzo's partner Walter arrives and stands at the kitchen bar with us having a quick drink. Walter making nice chit chat with me about business stuff. Alfonzo and Walter have been together for 7 years and any way you can calculate it, Walter must be in his late 50's or early 60's. Easily a 25+ years difference in their ages.

I've clearly tingled Alfonzo's senses. Alfonzo commenting how cute TC and I look together (oh please). Suddenly, Alfonzo blurts, "how old are you?". TC turns white (he's brown normally) as I matter-of-factly answer his question (TC later tells me he has never dared ask Alfonzo how old Walter is). "Ah that's so great", Alfonzo smiling as he responds. We chatter on.

It's nice to meet a couple with a similar age difference and particularly one that's been together for a long period. Alfonzo hasn't worked since he and Walter got together, though Alfonzo is far from idle. He's a key part of the social connector for Walter, has gone to school, and now is working on TV documentaries. But I recognize the challenges.

For TC, he is in fear that he will be 100% reliant on me, no real job, following me around as I go, and on a whim I could ditch him when some new season of brown boys appear that tickle my fancy or something similar. Back to zero he will go.

For me, I worry about being more emotionally tied to TC than he to me. Getting older, perhaps I'm not as interesting to him sexually or in doing the things he wants to do. Suddenly, there I am, most desirous of having a companion and I will suddenly be alone. A sugardaddy played out.

Gay relationships aren't easy on a good day and adding extra challenges doesn't get you bonus points. For TC and I the root issue is trust. While I've done much for him, my recent bad behaviour hasn't instilled great confidence. Similarly, TC's sometime inability to express his emotions for me and continued drama with his former boyfriend weigh on my mind. We have to continue to talk and more importantly communicate.

I'm glad to have met Alfonzo and Walter and hope we will have the opportunity to meet them again.



1 Comment

  1. Trust is a two way street. You both have something to offer the relationship, each very different but very important…’s not all bad…..but nonetheless scary sometimes… just have to trust.

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