My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Decisions, decisions

TC is driving in a wintry storm from Toronto to Montreal, his mommy and daddy driving him up there (sic). He is interviewing for a cruise ship job tomorrow with virtually a 100% guarantee he will be offered a position (since he’s already worked on one – it’s easy to get back in). He will have to do a mandatory training class in London and then fly to whatever the ship is. You sign up for a min 8 month contract and basically that’s your new home. He can ‘net between $2k-3k a month tax free with almost no expenses (food and housing providing obviously).

TC feels his life has been on hold ‘waiting’ for me to do something. The reality is I am doing something, I’m working away on my business and I’m sorry I can’t pull up stakes and simply twinkle my way to some romantic European destination to suit him. TC didn’t make the best of being in DC. He got a job, but bitched about it the whole time and frankly wasn’t very serious about stepping up his game. Admittedly, living illegally in a country isn’t the most solid ground to be on. Nonetheless, you have to work from the position you’re AT not the position you WISH to be at.

Prof. Tim, who has accurately foreseen most of the plays of this game, believes the story with TC isn’t over. The power of love will prevail. I can’t comment.

I’ve cautioned TC that he needs to focus on his deal points. We often clutter our minds in a decision by having too many deal points of the things we want. If I sit down to negotiate any contract and have 10 real deal points, the likelihood is the deal won’t get done. It’s impossible to negotiate to conclusion something that has so many edges to it and likely you won’t be happy with what you negotiated anyways.

What are the 2 or 3 things that are most important to TC? It’s not a process of elimination, it’s a process of understanding the essence of your true requirements. It’s f*cking difficult and requires you to think. Thinking is really hard (which is why I try not to do it more than necessary). Much easier to make a long list of all the shit you want and negotiate it away, leaving you with whatever.

I can’t answer or guide TC, only he knows what he wants. But he must recognize by getting what he wants, by default means, he doesn’t get what, in effect, he didn’t want. Are you following this? An you can’t cry over what you didn’t get and what you didn’t really want anyways.

So make sure you know what you want and once you’ve got it, well, you’re done and should be happy with the deal.

Tonight I wing back to DC, exhausted from late night clubbing about, man of my age, should be home by the fire, watching TV and pup sleeping at my feet.


  1. Lovely. He sounds like a catch. What a keeper. (Not)

  2. Love will prevail….it has to!

  3. Well as you already know, you’re looking at this from a “mature” point of view…….it’s all very reasonable. TC, reasonable isn’t really in his dictionary…..he wants what he wants and now, and if he should change his mind……well then “you” need to learn to be more flexible.

    Actually I think that that’s part of him charm for you. You should probably book a week on his cruise and make impossible demands the entire time……act like a whiney kid (ok so you’re not going to do that)……

    Oh and Roberto…….you need to read Chris’s entire blog to better understand his and TC’s relationship.

  4. No thanks Mark. I get enough from what I read.

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