Let me pause now for a female moment. Last week in Cologne, Germany. I’m in my little hotel bed on the 9th floor. Snug as bug. Trains rumbling through at the nearby station. There in the darkness I lie, crocodile size tears streaming down my cheek. I’m feeling the emotional pain of all that has gone on. I need to stop digging, I’m at the bottom of the hole already. For one split instant, I think about climbing out on the ledge. More tears.
I cried when my 2nd son was born. It rumbled out of me in a volcanic eruption, uncontrolled, it just happened. That was a moment of joy, but this time, it wasn’t joy. I’m not happy with the current situation but feel powerless to change it. That’s just bullshit. You always have the power, you may not have the desire though.
So instead of trying to regain control of my vessel, like a drunken sailor in the wheelhouse, I’m steering all over the map, my compass spinning wildly. Chris in London, TV-guy texting away to me and developing a weird relationship with another horribly sweet college student. To further complicate my story, let’s go on an 80% travel schedule that has me flitting all around Europe. Oh … did I forget I’m looking for a real relationship. Yeah, right.
Folks, I wouldn’t go for popcorn right now, the best is yet to happen. Noooo … you don’t need to worry about me. The right thing to do will happen, I have to let this reel roll off first, so sit back and enjoy the show.