Flashback Details Details – Morning staff meeting last summer, our CTO tells me that Aaskesh, who is working for us as a contract software programmer, will be fired today. I’d always enjoyed talking with Aakesh, a 24 year old Indian, he wasn’t talkative, soft and shy but he seemed to find opportunities to see me. Later that morning, a knock at my office door, it’s one of the HR folks, Aaskesh is in tow. "Aakesh is leaving us today, but he wanted to come by to see you, is that OK?", she asked. Sure, leave him with me.

I walk out with him. He’s upset, but wants to stay in touch with me. You can see the tears welling in his eyes. "This stuff happens in everyone’s career, you’ll be fine", I tell him. I give him my personal email and mobile number. We talk over the course of the next couple of days, ideas about new employment, ideas about what he wants to do next, I make a few phones calls. He quickly finds a new contracting position on his own and like a bird leaving its’ nest, our talks quickly stop.

I feel used. Looking at my post from yesterday, I realize Aakesh is no different than Ramez (my Mexican friend). They portray a sweet innocence, but in fact they know exactly what they’re doing. I realize that both will eventually attract similar people, leaving themselves ultimately used.

Despite my general, don’t give a shit about you, attitude. I find immediate softness for some guys who I often regret allowing myself to get emotionally attached. Not that I’m going to stop, just I will always have some regrets, such is life.