My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Continued Renewal

A light rain is falling in Paris and TC is calling via Skype. Not just once. Multiple times. Interesting he’s on his laptop and his traveling friend can hear both sides of our conversation. TC is purring so loudly it’s hard to make out what he’s saying. He usually trys to be ‘all official’ with me around his friends (Me, I ‘m usually over the top affectionate).

I suspect his friend, a professional homo actor, has been talking about his life, a series of boys, intersparsed with the ocassional short term boyfriend and plenty of gay drama in between. It’s an eye opener for TC. I finally tell TC to please go out and enjoy Paris and not spend so much time calling me to purr and to save his purr for when we’re together.

I am continuing to read the “Renewal” book. I must warn you, however, the Rabbi spends a lot of time telling you how great Judism is and how crappy Christianity looks. However, there are points of light for me on each page and no I’m not entertaining a flamewar here. The Rabbi asks questions and I simply answer them and don’t much like the answer I gave. The biggest point, he makes is that you are in control of your life. I’ve written similar. Like it’s a big surprise, but he highlights items in such a way that I start thinking.

What have I done with my life that is meaningful? Well – not a fucking thing, except I’ve learned to parallel park. I have had a series of jobs of “increasing importance” for companies who do stuff that no one in the end really could care about,  made money doing it, collected stuff that I eventually either break or throw away (so I can get more stuff). No real lasting friendships. I’ve been all sorts of places. Drank all kinds of wine. Have megabytes of photographs to show. But my life is indeed empty. I am an American. Souless, heartless, a strip mall in the middle of nowhere, a Target at one end, Petsmart at the other.

I write this piece of shit blog as a salute to my “ever increasing” ego and hope that in some infinitesimal way it helped your life, you on your knees cocksucker you. I thank those of you who have written. The rest of you’s got a free ride.

I am not yet ‘renewed’, but I’ve realized that rather than bemoan the loss of the life I was living, I need to celebrate the unexpected turn of events. Recognize that perhaps it’s not too late for me to lead a life that was indeed worth living and in effect, change my ways. Our life is indeed our experiences and what impacts we have had on others.

What kind of luck is this? I have this adoreable brown 130 lbs mop of jet black hair who loves me. Growling, scratching, clawing and purring — I am through him alive again. Notice I didn’t say hot, hung, good kisser, toned, buff or stud in that discription. If you use any of those terms to define a relationship, you are as well in need of Renewal.

4 Comments

  1. “The unexamined life is not worth living” -Socrates. Unfortunately, plenty of people get by in blissful ignorance without any introspection. I wouldn’t want to live an unexamined life.

  2. Chris – you are on a roll, the posts as coming fast and furious, I have to keep revisiting the site multiple times to keep up. The cynic in you so often raises insight comments, yet I’m sure if you thought hard, you have accomplished way more than you give yourself credit. For one, there’s your kids that you did not mention, getting them off to good start in life is a big deal. But yes, finding love does inspire “Hope Springs Eternal” optimism, you should count your blessings, small and large.

  3. Aren’t your kids meaningful???

  4. I certainly count my kids as a meaningful contribution I have made to the world.

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