My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Confronting your demons

I had dinner at ‘my’ house last night. My wife invited me over. It’s nice that she does, though it doesn’t feel like my house anymore. Despite a new start in my career, I’m in a bad mood. My wife knows me all too well and she has this straight forward no-nonsense attitude that has helped me in the past (if only I would listen more).

You and Chris need to be together or you need to go find someone else, you’re not good alone. Things happen for a reason. You need to be open for whatever comes next”. OMG what brilliance and I thought I was master of the obvious. But the reality is, she’s dead on. TC is now in Europe and in 2 short weeks he’ll be here and we’ll need to sort out things. Two weeks, I can wait.

One of the continuing things I notice is guys and their dicks. Whatever the conversation or article, inevitably the discussion turns sexual early on. That seems to be some huge criteria for guys. Yet I’m walking around the local mall, cute guys and their fat wives. All I’m thinking is, “I’d hate to have to go home and fuck that”. Yet they do and they’ll stay married happy or not, have their little kiddies and cook burgers on the patio. I’m talking these are young woman today, geez, hate to see them in 20 years, you’re not likely to get the room dark enough for me to get naked.

What these guys do get is love and more than cock or cunt, they want love. Rather, we want love. I never read any articles about love. I read about dick sizes and how someone was hot, buff, toned, built, boned. Who cares? Is that your primary decision matrix? If it is, let me be the first to introduce you to your primary problem.

Men love to get love, only problem, we’re not so good at giving love. Woman have successfully beat into submission men and broken their dicks off to make them realize that love is perhaps more important in this equation of non equals.

I like love. It’s brittle and fragile. You can’t hold it or touch it, smell it or taste it. But you feel it. You feel it when it’s there. You can’t imagine or invent it. Sometimes it happens suddenly, sometimes it just creeps in under the door, often you don’t even realize it’s there in the room with you. But love is a critical element.

So sorry you hot bois with big cocks, it just doesn’t do it for me. In fact, break your heart, it’s not even a factor in my decision process. I’ll take small and a ‘few extra pounds’ any day with love than something without. I hope that the clarity of my own life priorities are helpful to you in some odds mishapened sort of way.

4 Comments

  1. The soon to be ex……is spot on. You are not very good alone. You and TC need to work out “you” (as in couple). Forget the age thing, forget the stares……..forget it all. You’re profoundly and deeply in love with him and TC (how many calls a day do you get) is with you……accept that neither of you is remotely interested in “dropping” the other one (although both of you are concerned that the other one might just do that……I know this is getting complicated……….when in fact it’s really not). Just don’t forget to invite us to the wedding (either in DC or in Canada)…..oh and we all like “real champagne”.

  2. Once again, you’ve tapped in to my biggest fear on this journey…love seems even more fleeting and fragile among the homos than it does in the straight world. I sure hope you guys figure it out.

  3. Your wife is very smart. Either come together or break up…cause this is an ongoing drama and as much as we like reading about it, you need to be happy.

  4. Yes, love is what it is all about. I really hope you find it with TC. It seems like you really didn’t have it (at least recently) with your wife if she is able to be so objective and let you go so easily. And you are right that many of those cute guys are emotionally beaten into submission by their wives and don’t even know it because at the same time they are truly loved. Aren’t we humans all a bunch of great contradictions?

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