My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

It’s all about communication

With 3,300 lives on board, C6FV8 is a floating city and communications are important and there just above Deck 13 near the Mini-golf area you will see two white domed pods with the blue lettering “Furuno” on them. This is C6FV8’s link with the outside world, it’s satellite telephone and data system.

Despite the number of passengers, C6FV8 has a mere 8 telephone lines connected on Inmarsat’s Fleet and mini-B systems. Interestingly enough, you can actually call the ship from virtually any telephone to wherever the hell it is in the world. You dial the number and in under a minute, you will be greeted by the ship’s operator who’ll be more than happy to connect you to anyone on board. It’s no harder than calling the Marriott Courtyard out by I-40.  Unfortunately, I wouldn’t be crank calling this number, the cost of a phone call is approx. $10.00 per minute. Gold plated words.

Ironically, the ship is also equipped with it’s own mobile network, enabling passengers & crew to use their normal GSM handsets to make/receive calls while the ship is underway. These charges are a bit more reasonable, a mere $2.50 a minute. Either way, only a rich man can afford to call and have a long chat.

A deep gray cloud of depression is setting over me. With no word from TC, my business going sideways and a series of other issues that I can divulge (hint: the PDF of this blog has gone missing if that’s any help) plus my friend, Prof. Tim, is having his own martial problems. I want to see some fucking sunlight. Somewhere. Anywhere.  I want some good news. I’ve done my time in the box.

I sit and think. The rules are the same. I cannot change others. I can only change myself. If I don’t like where I’m at. I have the power to move, to act, to make it happen. It is the will that I am lacking.

When I was younger, the world seemed all well within grasp, it was all quite easy.  Aged and gray now, I know too much. Life has it’s complications, nothing is easy, challenges abound and darkness is just around the next corner, best steer in the middle of the channel if you know what’s best.

No matter how old you get, you shouldn’t get old. I watch people far too young, get old before my eyes. The magic escaping from their soul. Gay, straight or whatever – many have become drones and often embark upon secret lives if for nothing but to prove to themselves they are still very much alive.

I hope you do something crazy today. Throw caution to the wind, drive a different way to work, pull into a shopping center with that wacky store you always wanted to see, stop to take a little closer look at that stream that runs underneath the road. But do something and do it now. Your life dependents on it.

TC UPDATE: Day 3 with no word from the Tiger. When he surfaces, and he will surface, I need to be prepared. He’s either going to be really happy with things (which will make me miserable) or really miserable (which will make me unhappy). Either way he is on that damn ship for at least 3 months and most likely 6.

2 Comments

  1. Chris

    I was drawn to your blog from the positive way you approached this process. Although all our situations are different, I used your blog as a paradigm for how to go about coming out in midlife. Although your sadness is understood and shows just how deeply you love TC, use this time to foster new friendships (yes even gay ones)and expand your urban family. The same personality traits that carried you through your coming out process will get you through this dark period. Just don’t let it overwhelm you. Thinking of you at this difficult time.

  2. Don’t be depressed. You can have some of my happy pills. They are working! Come over to Sydney…it’s nice..hot and lots of brown things here…plus they dig older guys…

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