My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Co-dependent

I’m gonna land on you like it’s a clear day at Heathrow.

My trip to Paris to rendezvous with the brown tiger is now in the hands of god. DC weather expected to be awful. But if the plane takes off, I’ll be on it. “Papa, Luton Airport, that’s so far away, what time is my flight to Paris?”, he whispers, it’s well past midnight in London. He’s all curled up beneath his blanket, calling, the glow of his mobile phone illuminating his face. “Pup, I called, they’re planning on moving the airport, but it’s gonna take’em a few days, you’ll just have to take the train up”.

“Papa, can you change my U.S. return flight date”, he meekly asks. TC, I find, doesn’t like to deal with any of the organizational elements of life. Schedules, rules, guidelines and codes all are quite foreign to him. He’d just assume not see any of these things. That’s apparently my job.

I’m left wondering  just WTF he’s up to. He’s left our mutual comfort, because he needs to “find his way”, yet he can’t find his way without me. I counted, we’ve spoken THIRTEEN TIMES today. He’s in another f*cking country, 3000 miles away. I thought the Mexicans were bad, this is worse!!!!!

I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.

Frankly, I don’t know whose’s more dependent or more scared of being apart than the two of us right now. Ooops … I do remember. How time passes. My wife and I were like this, desperately trying to hold things together, realizing, perhaps at the last moment, we had something good. It felt good, only something was missing.

I wonder if something is missing now between TC and I. We can’t say good-bye, but we can’t seem to find a way to say hello. Either way, like so many stories, I likely won’t know, until it’s all over, how it turns out.

3 Comments

  1. Chris,

    I think you’re going to be very lucky to be able to fly out of Washington D.C. over the next few days. And I can just imagine how your Tiger would be prowling around your flat this past week what with all the snow and all.

    Somehow I’m not convincend that TC really wants a “life at sea”. You blogged about it a short while ago…..his insecurity about a long term relationship with you. Maybe that’s what you guys need to work on……..as you’re both lonely without the other.

  2. OK Chris…time for a little unsolicited tough love. Let me preface this by saying that my comments are made with the best of intentions and in no way do I want this to be offensive to you or TC and I apologize in advance if anything I say offends either of you.

    You know from my previous comments that I have been pro Chris/TC since I found your blog. As a romantic at heart, I have always wished the best for both of you and your relationship and hope that in the end love will conquer all. But my friend, I have to say that this is starting to read like a bad Lifetime Channel movie which needs to come to a conclusion, good or bad, for both of your sakes.

    Any relationship, gay or straight, needs a few fundamentals to be successful. First, of course, is love. Well you have made it clear that there is an equal amount of that on both sides so we will take that as a given. Next is for both partners to be willing to make compromises to make the relationship work. You and TC enjoyed a whirlwind romance in Europe and then things got more difficult when the day to day reality of life in D.C. struck. Taking into account the difficulties of being an alien in the U.S. and his family pressures, when TC got bored of the D.C. scene, he flew the nest. You made it clear that for at least the short term that work and family obligations made it impossible for you to leave the D.C. area. Lack of compromise here is not a positive thing for the relationship. Lastly, is what I call the active vs. passive role taking in a relationship. Successful relationships involve two partners who are active or take an active role in making the relationship work. You do this quite well on your part but enable TC to be a passive partner in your relationship which will inevitably doom it to failure. Instead of letting him “find himself” in the U.K. by letting him grow up a little by taking care of his own affairs, you micromanage his life from 3000 miles away, enabling his dependency. I hope that your trip to Paris is not Chris’ last ditch effort to convince TC to come home to D.C., because even if you are successful and he returns home, if it is not an active decision on his part, it will just be a matter of time before boredom with D.C. or whatever else is the excuse gives him the itch to fly away again. You will only be successful in having TC as a stable partner if you completely let him go, quit managing his affairs and let him make an active decision on his own to come back to you. It will also determine whether TC truely loves you or is just emotionally dependent on you. (Calling 13 times in one day seems a bit dependent IMHO.)

    As they say love is hard and relationships are harder so I continue to wish for the best for both of you!

  3. Wow Jeff….nice comments buddy. I am fairly new to this blog and have commented a few times, but have mostly been a passive voyeur. I am going through a very similiar situation as Chris with some variances and also have a brown tiger (if you will) that happens to be in afghanistan. I have completely let him go as of two weeks ago in hopes that true love will bring us back together in the end. I was the active person in the relationship and he was the passive and I knew it was going nowhere. time will only tell if my decision was a good one….but I am getting more emotionally stable by the day!
    Thanks for a great comment to this post Jeff!

    Bobby

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