My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Clarity in context

I’m reading another book (large print version), it’s’ about gay relationships. I’m not ready to pronounce this a “must” read, but the author offers up some interesting prospectives that illuminate things I guess we already know.

Intimacy. Men in general struggle with this and only with coaxing from the female side do they hopefully find this side of themselves.  But with two gay guys who happens?  The author continues while it’s widely perceived that gay guys are more in touch with their feminine side, the reality, they’re guys. Gay couples often struggle with who is playing what role and I’m not talking the sexual stuff.  As a result, relationships often go sideways early with one person declaring that the relationship is getting too close to quickly or not close enough too soon. You can’t win for losing.

The book doesn’t offer any pat sort of advice, the classic do this don’t do that list. But he does up what he believe are the 12 most typical gay character profiles and how to deal with them. I’m burying into his first example, the ‘blue collar worker’  and yes it does indeed sound like some types I’ve met. While none of us like to be pigeon holed, the reality marketing folks love this. In fact, marketing companies offer up all sorts of character profiles and how to advertise to that specific segment. Unique as we think we are, many of us flow into some pattern.

The author talks about guys who get into hook up mode, lacking the ability to maintain an intimate relationship, they move easily into the hook-up circuit with occasional short term relationships thrown in for good measure. He reasons this lack of intimacy is holding them back, yet they actually lack the emotional capability to figure it out (sounds like a therapist is needed).

Thinking about this in my own experiences, I how realize how bizarre question I often get asked, namely “are you a good kisser?”. I’ve been asked this a number of times and the answer is yes, I’ve gotten a number of compliments. But I consider kissing highly intimate. It’s not just passion which is usual self serving, but about the embodiment of connecting with another person. Years ago I was watching “Queer as Folk” and character Brian Kinney in some odd relationship with Justin, agreed that he would not kiss any future hook-ups and save the more intimate kissing aspect for Justin. That spoke with me.

TC Update: He’s still in London. Still calling. TC struggles in front of his friend to show his love for me, but he calls and he calls often, just to say hi. Again actions speaking louder than words. I am working with him on discovering how he can be open, revealing and committing without risk of losing his perceived macho attribute (Powder Puff that he is ).


  1. Are you the new Oprah? You starting a coming out book club?

    It sounds interesting the book. I got another 50 flights coming up next week so time to kill!

  2. Chris — you are a pretty self-aware guy to begin with but others do struggle with what they want, why they want what they do. Is all this recent self-introspection really for you or are you hoping to magically change all the gays you meet? The latter would be a formidable task. The main thing is TC acts endearingly towards you – who cares how he acts in front of his friends?

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