My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Christmas Eve — boo hoo

It’s Christmas Eve and I’m all alone. TC is with his parents. My wife is having here Peruvian boytoy over tonight. She has gracefully invited me for Christmas day. I’m looking forward to 2010 being over, it closes as the business I’ve been working on all year is sputtering down the runway, more cash outflow than inflow, rebellious teenage kids, an uncertain situation with TC. But it’s all relative.

A business colleague of mine had been kind enough to lend me some office space as he tries to start a new venture himself. His family is quite wealthy. The office is the entire top floor of a 19,000 sq ft Class A building in the tech corridor decked out with all the executive amenities. In the last months my colleague became embroiled in a lawsuit with his father, money became tight, employees left as they no longer were paid, bills piled up on a desk, the sheriff served an eviction notice. Yesterday, I sat there alone, the entire floor devoid of anyone (at least the Internet was pretty fast).

About 2 weeks ago, this colleague with a wife and 2 teenage kids, felt he had run out of options and shot himself. He lays tonight in intensive care, having not regained conscientiousness, a breathing tube down his throat, his extended family arguing in the hospital hallway about whose fault all of this is. The prognosis is not good, he probably won’t make it.

The long American holiday can be a time of  great joy and reconnection with family. But for some, these dark months find themselves with weight gain, heart attacks, alcoholism, depression and yes, suicide. Factor in economic uncertainty and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Suicide being a long term solution to a short term problem.

The key is to hang on. Hang on until tomorrow. Hang on until the spring. Because when you give up, you’ve not only lost the battle, you’ve lost the war.

I’m hanging on, you hang on, we’ll all hang on. If we all hang on together, with time, the spring will come, the flowers will bloom and we’ll see what the day looks like. So make the best of the holiday, I’m watching old movies and sipping tea (and playing Team Fortress on the computer – I’m a pyro, kill’em & grill’em), you take care.

PS: Not to worry, already have other office space, though will miss the coffee machine.


  1. Best wishes for you in this Xmas eve! I hope you keep writting; and I am sure you´ll soon write about good news in your life!

    I was feeling a bit depressed today, but after reading your last post, I feel better. Thank you!

    Greetings from Canary Islands!

  2. Yes…lets both hang on…spring or in my case summer is just around the corner! If you get really desperate take a big jet out to Sydney and I’ll set you up with the nicest brown Asian boys:) Or you can have a few weeks of summer!

  3. I want to quote your post in my blog. It can?
    And you et an account on Twitter?

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