My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Checklist for success

So if you woke up this morning thinking, gee, I feel like a fag and noticed your wife sleeping next to you, let meĀ  give you the benefit of my year in hell on this topic. Here’s my TOP 10 things that you should think about or do.

1. Get help – the best decision I made was to seek therapy. I didn’t initially, because that’s only for really screwed up people. Guess what? You’re really screwed up. A good therapist can help you find out things about yourself. Your friends, no matter how good they are as listeners, have their own lives to deal with and can only give you so much time. Finding a therapist you like talking to is important, quickly discard those you don’t like.

2. Alcohol isn’t your friend – luckily I didn’t venture too far down this path, but use caution, it can sneek up on you acting like a friend, but behaving like the devil. Drugs, of course, are your friend and you should use those liberally.

3. Let’er rip – it’s hard to dribble your story out to your spouse, you just have to let it out in a gush. It’s going to take a couple of hours to tell your wife, so find the place and the available time. Allow several days or weeks or months for her to deal with it, you’ve been dealing with it your whole life, a bit of time for her isn’t excessive. There will be more questions. But don’t withhold information, she’ll drag it out of you eventually.

4. You still have friends – without doubt, everyone of your friends is likely to still be your friend and many will rush in to help you. In fact, you may find yourself becoming more interesting to many.

5. There is life on the other side – life does indeed go on, it will just be different but probably more simliar than you’d think.

6. Hope for the best, prepare for the worse – like a good Boy Scout, know the potential outcomes and try and formulate a solution for each in your mind. You might get uncermoniously thrown out of the house with your clothes on the hood of the car and your wife waving a butcher knife at you. Things could get ugly, so have a plan. But if you handle this right, things won’t get ugly.

7. Be honest – being honest to yourself should be job one, it’s a lot harder than it sounds, because sometimes you don’t want to admit things. Being honest to people who care about you can be harder. Causing others pain is tough to endure/witness, but lying makes it worse, because the truth ultimately prevails. I lied thinking it would minimize the pain, it didn’t and I shouldn’t have. My biggest mistake.

8. Be honest, but not hurtful – your wife is going to want details, she’s due them but try not to turn the truth into a weapon. Avoid phrases like, “he was so hot I couldn’t control myself” or “Honey, I’d never seen a dick that big in my life”. This is where you’re probably being a bit too honest and should pull back a bit.

9. Keep yourself healthy – work out, walk, eat right, being a fat f*ck isn’t a good way to get laid anyways (unless you like fat f*ck too). I wasn’t a workout guy, but forced myself to become one, going 5x a week. I’m at 15% body fat now, I hestiate to think what my stress levels would be if I hadn’t gone to the gym.

10. Take your time – there is no bonus for finishing early. Like a horror movie, you’ll want to fast forward thru the bad parts, unfortunately, you can’t, get a box of popcorn and close your eyes during the really scary pieces. Time is part of the process.

1 Comment

  1. Wish I could tell her but…her “straight” dad, justa died of aids and also gave to my mother-in-law….so no i do not belileve I can come out anymore. It would literally kill her.
    I really hate the s-o-b now I’m stuck in hell and afraid of continuong the cycle.

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