At 2:30 a.m. I am jolted awake by my ringing phone. It’s none other than TC rollerblading back home. He’s been out with a Caribbean cousin who is gay. “Cousin” in Caribbean, I’ve learned, is a very broad definition of basically anyone who has any remote association with the extended family, sorta of a membership card. His cousin is 29, a lawyer, attractive tall guy and he’s hitting on my Tiger Puff. Complicating this, he has some super masculine 22 yo Caribbean in tow.
“I had to pretend I was drunk, they wanted me to stay over at his place“, TC slurred. But he went on, “He’s Caribbean, he’s a lawyer, he’s in my age range, my family would accept him.” Just for fun, TC added, “he’s not married, no kids and lives in Toronto-o-o-o, I could have cheated on you, I have credits.” I imagined the Cheshire smile on his end. The reality is TC isn’t looking for some drunken late night hook-up, he knows these are just a single wave in the ocean, they hit the shore and that’s it. Ooops .. I mean, I hope he’s not looking for anything.
I’m glad he called. He didn’t have to. Well could have spent the night over and I’d had no clue. While his dialog was in humor, don’t think some of his points were lost. It’s tough to deal with a long distance relationship.
Cheating, the leading case of trouble for most gay relationships. Two men, nothing but trouble when combined. Sometimes it’s a dog wetting the carpet, trying to say they’re not getting enough attention. Other times it’s purely a desire to have a new squeaky toy. An sometimes it’s more sinister, “I’m looking to move on, but too chicken shit to do it solo”. It strikes me that the first two have remedies, pay more attention and create some excitement. The latter, though, is clearly darker and while there is no direct intent of harm, it usually come with an emotional price tag.
Gay guys, I’ve found, are quite preoccupied with themselves, being alone in the world, insecurities, all don’t work in their favor of being emotionally giving. Factor in some element of promiscuity and it’s no wonder a long term gay relationship is an accomplishment of heroic proportions, that or you simply decided to go live in a cave (my choice). There are always exceptions though and the question is what did ‘they’ do to accomplish this?
Key to almost any relationship is good, open communications. The minute people stop talking is the minute problems begin. Sometimes it’s hard to initiate a thorny conversation, other times there is a fear of continuing a thread that’s been over talked. All things said and done, its a matter of time prospective. Would you like to be in a relationship with this person 5 or 10 years from now? If the answer is, hell no, wouldn’t want to have wasted my time. Then the obvious answer is — why are you wasting your time now? If the answer is YES, then you better figure out how to manage to get 5 years into the future and can’t afford to let nature take it’s course. Remember, they’re asking themselves the same question.