On the phone with TC. He’s a happy camper. He’s figured out the neighborhood. Fully nestled in, we’re comfortably bantering around on the phone. I’ve got 2 more nights before I return.
Couple weeks back a UK business colleague/friend called and wanted to go to dinner. I’d thought Chris was working but he wasn’t. So I invited him to come along to meet my colleague. Chris was nervous. How was he supposed to be introduced? How did we meet? Was this going to be embarrassing to either of us?
TC clearly is gay. Doesn’t take long to figure that out if you meet him. He’s just himself. But he’s more comfortable being in a gay scene, restaurants and bars. He doesn’t have to worry about some incident or awkward glances. He was worried my colleague would quickly “figure” it all out. In the end, my colleague and Chris hit it off, they spent more time talking to themselves than to me. Whether my colleague figured it out or not, not my problem.
I told Chris I’m not the least bit ashamed of him and that he’s a part of my life and I’m not going to hide him. I’ve spent the last years having a divided life. If people can’t deal with me, well, that’s their problem. I much more comfortable in the straight world. I come off as a straight guy and I’m fairly homophobic (some of the gay stuff just freaks me out).
Living a life divided is tough. Harboring dark secrets. Trying to protect the real you from being seen. This isn’t purely a gay issue, I do admit. But the gay world has more than it’s share I often believe.
For me, I have to focus on bringing two halves together. They may not match exactly. But they’ll be good enough. I just hope they hold.