It’s early morning. TC is sleeping in the next room. We’re in the new flat. Great location, building, nicely furnished, custom sofa, slate bathroom, 20 foot ceilings, surround sound theater and a 45″ plasma TV. It’s what you get in London for $2.0m.
But I’m not happy. Chris is though. He’s ecstatic about the new place. I’d gone with him to the East London flat he shared with 2 guys. A nasty neighborhood, run down building, the “hood”. A small mattress in a room lit with a ceiling bulb. The room where he and his former roommate had slept together. So coming here, sure I’d be happy to.
We fixed a simple dinner. Walked around the neighborhood. Figured out how the TV worked. But somewhere along the path, something was missing. Here I am in the cool flat, central London, cute 23 yo guy next to me, job that I get to define, plenty of money. What could possibly be missing?
Missing is Chris’s heart. I don’t have it. He’s on his own life adventure. He makes the best of whatever the situation. He was happy in the “hood” and he’s happy here. But I’m just another nice person he’s planning on meeting on this personalized Route 66 highway.
We have a good time together, we talk, laugh, and enjoy doing many of the same things. But he has rules. All gay guys have rules I’m finding. I have mandates, guidelines and hints to operational efficiency. But I don’t have rules. Chris’s rule right now is not to get involved with anyone.
I sulked off to bed. Laying alone in the dark, I realized that what I want from him, he doesn’t want to give, so I need to move on. My adventure will have to continue.