The gays continue to confound me, they defy all logic. I am busy arranging all sorts of logistical shit. Had to find a temp apt in Hong Kong, have to close down DC apartment, have to engage a Realtor to find me more suitable digs, had to finish negotiating my employment agreement, have a ton of APAC travel looming. In the midst of all of this, my #1 concern is whether Scrappy is gonna be happy. I’m worried about his return flight and getting him safely settled in.

Is that on his mind? Fuck no. He called last night with uber excitment. I at first wondered whether he had gotten his first issue of Vanity Fair. But no, his #1 bitch is getting married (which is old news), but last night in a surprise announcement, she asked him to be her “best man” (which should be old news since the two could have for all practical purposes come out of the same vagina). How exciting. In her bespoke wedding she decided that both the bride and groom will each have a best bitch and man on this “the most important day of their life” (I should write Hallmark cards). Thrilled.

As a straight homo, I, for the life of me, can’t figure out the gays. In fact, I just coined it. I am a straight homosexual, but I’m fucking not gay. How’s that for a label?  Even better, I can, with a fair level of credibility label myself bi-sexual.

Along my path, I’ve encountered numerous gay men who have very tight relationships with women. Some of these relationships are almost to the determent to them having a fulfilling gay relationship. Witness the famous singer Freddie Mercury, who despite being in a 6 year long relationship, left the bulk of his estate to his best bitch (including his London home). His poker (or pokee) got a token amount of money and resorted to writing a tell-all book to raise more funds. Such is life.

Scrappy’s 2 best bitches are childhood friends and despite their friendliness to me. They really don’t like me taking him away. One is getting married, that will keep her occupied. The other one only fucks men but can’t seem nor appears to want a male relationship. Scrappy provides that to her and she is more than happy to bad mouth me on a moment’s notice.

But best bitch isn’t limited to just girls. Gays often get to be best friends that seems to enter a realm beyond mere friendship into a sphere of companionship. Usually one guy has the deep down hots for the other, and usually the hottie is a total man whore who can’t seem to lodge a real relationship. They spiral along in some odd ball relationship that provides love and companionship but no sex.

As I long ago wrote relationships have 3 key elements. Sex, love and companionship. I’m greedy, simple or stupid but I want it all in and with a single person. Who the hell needs three different tubes of toothpaste?  I want the all-in-one cleaner. I’ll snap a chalk line on Scrappy, gotta reinforce my needs, desires and wants and he can as well.

Picture out of my bedroom window. I can’t see the Home Depot in Ohio anymore.