My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Bi bi bi

Conflicting Clarity had commented a question about bi-sexual behaviour. Hardened queers have the saying “bi now, gay later” with the implication that ‘bi’ doesn’t exist. What do I know? If gay is a bit off the beaten path, bi must be at least two floor deeper into the basement.

In my own, albeit limited, experiences the ‘bi’ card is played mostly by younger guys struggling with their own identity and hesitant to make a conclusive decision. They often have a girlfriend, but let that girl go out of town for the weekend and bamm they’re on craigslist trolling for a hook-up. They’re often ashamed, usually there is a strong family or religious culture pressuring them to do things the normal way. They usually figure it out eventually on their own schedule.

TC had asked me once whether I would be with a woman again. Do I have to decide today? The answer is yes, I suppose, it all depends on the person in question and the environment at the time. Will I? Who knows. Now what woman is going to want to be with a guy whose slept with other guys, beats me, but hey anythings possible. TC is definitely in the NO department.

In my albeit limited experience, I’ve noted, that given any single opportunity the gay community will over think, over process and overly complicate virtually everything. I assume this mainly because they can. The last thing you need is to dig the hole a bit deeper with more complexity. Are there bisexual people? Sure. Are there lots of them? Probably not. Are you one of them? Check your lottery ticket.

I’ll use some business logic. As a manager, I got worried in performance reviews with managers whose perception of themselves widely varied against how others perceived them (the classic 360-review). Some guy who thought he was a ‘great’ people manager but his employees thought he was a ‘dick’ situation. This is disaster in progress. HR dept’s have all sorts of counseling to help the manager ‘understand’ how he is actually perceived. Usually, I’d opt to fire the SOB, too much work to fix the bastard.

Things are usually as they appear. How do others perceive your actions? If you’re rationalizing that your behaviour is different than how others would see it, you’ve got yourself a problem. I’ve talked about minimizing any period in gray zone. It’s a hellish emotional area where you’re not sure what ‘up’ is. You perceive that you’re in the ‘decision zone’. Could be a decision about a job, a new relationship,an  old relationship, homo — basically important calls that impact your life.

The fact that you’re in the gray zone means you already started to make a decision and simply choked mid-stream, now your caught, not wanting to go back but lacking the willpower to finish what you started. Buffeted by the turbulent waters, it’s not a scenic overlook spot to have a picnic. Sometimes you big fruit, you’re just going to have to commit and take the consequences.

5 Comments

  1. One thing that seems so funny to me is when you visit the blog of one of those self-proclaimed “bisexual” married men, and all you can find are men pics!!!!

    Hey, where are the chicks pics? Isn´t it supposed they also like women? So, why any women can be seem there?

  2. So, why any women CAN´T be seem there? (oops!!).

  3. It seems many of the bi guys blogging are (or were) married and most were closeted. But like you Chris, they became much more aware and willing to act on their guy desires as they got older and were not willing to keep their bi-side sequestered. I believe that there are truly bi guys but also lots of them are more gay than they are willing to admit. That’s what riles up some of the gays, bi-guys wanting a “normal” S8 life while being on the down low for the gay stuff. Sexual identities sometimes become fluid — do you considered yourself bi before and gay now?

  4. Chris: I paraphrase this with “This is my personal opinion”… Sexuality is “grey”, that is every person has a sexual appreciation “factor” somewhere between totally back and totally white…

    I fell in love with a woman who understood that (from personal experience) and accepted me for that… We were married nearly 20 years.

    Very few people/humans/earthlings are totally straight. We all enjoy some “degree of separation” from that distinction… ie: those grey areas… We (mostly) are all stimulated by anything sexual (whether it be f4f or m4m) or any variation there-of, including 3ways and more…

    I say “mostly” because there are some that would NEVER even consider the above as an option…

    My point, yes I have a point, is… most “people” (see above definition) live their lives somewhere between black and white… Some based on their upbringing and the “agreements” we have made with ourselves based on that upbringing (see my link to The Four Agreements for additional info) and others based on fear of their own exposure… Most people are capable of homosexual thoughts and sexual behavior…

    There are far fewer people that “come out” to themselves and enjoy a real relationship with someone of the same sex (man or woman)… although personally I think women do this better than men do…

    I am one of the above… I would much more prefer to spend the rest of my life with a man, than a woman… (yet I know I would still enjoy sex with a woman, if that situation presented itself)…

    Does that make sense?

    Regards,

    Tom

  5. Bi is just another stop on the way to gaytown!

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