I recent incident got me thinking about our image or rather your image or more precisely your image to me.
A friend of mind was going to great lengths to conceal their history, by that I mean their dating history, because they were now dating “the right person”. It was important that this “right person” saw that my friend was a close to altar boy as possible. My friend is attractive and had quite a long dating history and frankly they were doing what the right thing, looking for the right person and sampling along the way.
Nonetheless, my friend was concerned that if this “right person” were to hear this history all in a single seating, it would make them appear a bit slutty. OK, I sorta kinda of understand this.
But the question is how must history should a new ‘partner’ have about you. How much are they socially owed. When does the right amount of data, become the wrong amount of data. Sad as it may be, we rarely lives our lives as stellar as we imagine, but usually it’s somewhere in between heaven and hell.
Unfortunately, this is a bit of a Goldilocks and the Three Bears story. I want to date someone whose been in relationships and has dated people and have various sexual & emotional experiences. If they’ve been sheltered since their last relationship from 3 years ago and all broken up since, I know I’m gonna have to deal with a whole bunch of emotional baggage and that I probably don’t want to. Likely, they’re gonna get all clingy and try and move things either too slow or too fast.
Similarly, I don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship with someone whose proud to have a “most visited emblem” for their manhunt profile and finds gayromeo.com as the best way to meet meet people. I do recognize that in the gay world, you can’t show up at church social expecting to meet Mr. Right. But there is a line you can cross. There is also a line someone can cross in getting information about you.
I’m an open person or more specifically, I’m a “I don’t give a sh*t what you think” person. Perhaps I’m mature, emotionally stable, more public than most or simply too lazy to try and conjure up stories any more. But that’s me.
I encourage you though, to read the book you are writing, and if you don’t like the chapters, you can always convert it to a fiction novel, but then it’s not a book about who you are, it’s a book about who you’d like to be. The obvious alternative you could start living the life you’d be proud for others to read about, but this may be too much work.
With my daily oration coming to a close, remember you are playing the game against the hardest competitor you will ever face, yourself.