My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Base Camp

I made a mistake. I apologize. Three days ago I posted an actual stylized photo of TC for the now empty Brown Tiger posting. I did it without his permission. You probably couldn’t tell it was him. But he knew it was him. So yesterday, he blew a fuse, ordered me to take it down and I did. Simple as that.

But those brown tigers  hold on to their fuming emotions, so last night, going on midnight London time, he finally called, he growled that he hadn’t planned on calling me today (as punishment I assume) and that yes he was still mad. His razor sharp claws came out next as his coals were re-stoked from hearing my voice, they burned brighter, “why are you writing about me all the time, it’s a blog about you, what don’t you write about that, or better yet write about your wife and kids, that would be more interesting, but leave me out of it.” And with that he said good night and hung up. Thanks for the hint!

My wife is fine actually, good might be a word as well. She has her new Peruvian boyfriend an older gentlemen, polished, mature, intelligent. She’s fine dealing with me and we actually have nice conversations about all kinds of things. We are still great companions. But this man is slowly assuming the throne. Her friends are supportive and she seems busy and pretty happy sans my own issues looming.

The 14 year old son is a carbon copy of TC. Nasty, bitchy, moody, he’s not doing so well in school, complains about virtually everything, has long unkempt hair, smells funny most of the time, is on Facebook, 3 versions of IM and watching YouTube at least 25 hours a day. He works his 9,384 friends in as he can. When pinched, he basically blames me or my wife for whatever is ailing him. He’s planning on being an audio engineer for a recording studio.  He grunts or yells at me when we see it other. He’s prone to calling me a fag by the way.  Lucky for him, I’m not prone to carrying a handgun. But he’s the emotionally sensing one, he feels it in the air.

The 16 year old son is a carbon copy of me. He’s got straight A’s in school. Is on top of his homework which takes him about 1/10th the time the normal student. He wants to be a mechanical engineer and will likely go to a top technology school. He has a very small circle of friends, has no idea what Facebook is, barely uses his mobile phone and like a mule pretty much only moves when whip him. He’s never said anything disrespectful to either of us but is a bit sly in what he doesn’t tell. The 16 yo is pretty much emotionless, he’s a thinker.

Are you seeing a trend here? Basically my entire family is fine, they’re just getting on with their lives and dealing with the seemingly insurmountable nightmares that occur when you’re 14 or 16 or 46. They are not, at least on the surface, the least bit worried about their Dad and his faggy ass ways or faggy boyfriend. They don’t ask, because they don’t wanna know.

They’re also not the least bit concerned whether I’m happy or sad, comforted or alone and feel none of the daily pressures that I am under. Their little life boat is just moving ahead.

You are responsible for your own happiness and we each have to make our way to the next checkpoint. I am traveling alone now. I can’t depend on my family much less TC to help me on this next leg. How I dread the steps forward.

3 Comments

  1. Your strength of character and sense of humour will carry you through. Something tells me you always land on your feet. Keep smiling.

  2. Kids are smart. They know where they stand with people. It seems like they are just reflecting what they get emotionally back on you. Why should they make you a top priority in their lives when they aren’t a top priority in yours? Taking care of your kids is alot more than just food, clothing, and shelter. But you’re smart enough and have enough insight to know that. I’m just surprised to “hear” that your disappointed that they aren’t “concerned” about you. You can’t expect a high level of selfless caring maturity for others from teenagers under any circumstances, much less your family situation. You know that you are “traveling alone now” and its a consequence of the decisions you’ve made. You can travel it alone. Or you can invest more quality time in your sons and always have some company along the way.

  3. Sounds like your relationship with your teenage kids is pretty well within the norm. Are you OK with it, or do you want it to be different?

    Just found your blog today. You have a refreshing perspective on a difficult story, and wonderfully quirky. Haven’t had the 5 hours to read from the start :), but it’s more fun to pick up in the middle of the story sometimes anyway.

    Cheers!
    –Dan

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