Off I went last night to a local gay meet-up group, nice hotel bar, the organizer greets me warmly. Drink in hand, I wander about, no problems making conversation. A nice young couple, been together 10 years, we’re talking about technology, no pretense, it was nice. One of them urged me to wander about to meet someone single and I had to reveal I was only on work release from the prison and like clockwork my mobile vibrated with the warden already asking me when I planned to go home.
I wandered a bit more and run upon a 60ish man, nicely attired, a bit too stylish for his age, he was friendly with a group encircled. He revealed he had been married, two adult children and was now a grandfather. Super, I felt some odd connection about to be made. But he quickly veered into teen girl talk about who was dating whom and how he’d been oogling some boy at the gym trying to imagine what was swinging beneath their shorts. I was aghast. Come on, this isn’t cocktail discussion with a stranger. Now Prof. Tim and I chattering like magpies about some Latino twink, well that’s OK.
The Tiger phone rang again and I made for the exit, a warm feeling inside as I pulled the phone from my pocket. All I need is the Tiger Cub to keep me happy. I continually seek to provide you with some generic guidance. For gay men, they simply can’t fathom what a married relationship looks like. They read something, make some assumptions, chatter with the other homos, but you can’t understand how to fly an airplane from a book. It’s an observation and not meant as a slam.
But having said that, I would have hoped the 60 yo would have demonstrated a bit more maturity, depth and sophistication than he did. He came off as a butch homo with a closet full of toys and leather goods. Pity his wife.
There is a lemmings mentality to our society and as well inside the smaller gay world. A set of rules that must be adhered to in order to fit in. It’s easier to flow with it, than swim against it and perhaps the 60 yo simply gave in. Historically, I am a contra person, but that’s not for everyone, but it’s important to recognize the need to define one’s self, be comfortable with the consequences and remain well grounded as the crazy world swirls about.