My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

As we start 2010

New readers, a new year and sadly a new story. Welcome to my blog!

I write when things aren’t so well. Who writes when things are well? It’s about me, it’s got suspense, intrigue and mystery and occasionally my arrogance and random humility.

I am a resistant gay. I don’t wanna be it, I don’t accept it, I don’t like it, I barely acknowledge it. I’m not interesting what the gay community thinks, does or is considering and I’m not particularly interested in what you think either. I was and am married, I have a family, I have a wife, I have/had a boyfriend and I have teen age children. I have a lot of stakeholders. All of this is really just f*cking with my financial life of building a business, achieving further financial success and calling it a day. Work is highly overrated. You still reading? Sound like you?

After 3 years, a multitude of experiences, I’m stilling fighting for the rebel cause. I was happy for a while, I got a live-in boyfriend, he was/is a lot younger than me, we fought, we found peace and I disappeared from all things queer. Despite the economic turmoil in 2009, I was happy. I had my brown tiger. And he had me.

But my brown tiger was illegal being in the US, young, romantic and directionless and Daddy that I am, I encouraged him to get his shit together. He is trying and will leave me to board a cruise ship job in some number of days. I will be collateral damage.  On one hand, I’m quite proud of him, he’s trying to do the right thing, acting decisively, making positive decisions for himself, but on the opposite side my advice has kinda of f*cked me. I love him with all my heart. He loves me as well. The tears flow from both sides.

Will I be single soon? What will I do next? How does this story play out? I’ve no real idea.

But you, my friend, and I call you a friend, can ride along with me. Despite my nastiness, I need you, I need you to read, I need you to comment, I need you to be there. Because without YOU, I am indeed alone. So come along on my journey out.

7 Comments

  1. Chris…Again a great post! I keep coming back because I appreciate your candor and honesty. You have acknowledged some things that I suspected by reading between the lines (being resistant to being gay and a touch of “arrogance” [mentioned non-judgementally]), but continue to show us your huge heart through your love of TC.

    As a hopeless romantic, I (and I suspect many others in the blogoshere) hope that things work out for you and TC. I, for one, send positive vibes in your direction for that to be so. As one who likes happy endings, I like to think that TC will be approaching the cruise ship; hesitate on the gangway; turn around and catch the first flight from Heathrow to DC to return to you. If this is not to be, then I, as others, will shed a few tears with you and will support you as you move further along your journey.

    As a fellow married gay coming out in midlife, we need to improve the odds of finding that life partner/husband to share our love, hopes and dreams with for whatever time we have left on this planet.

    Continued best to you Chris…I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers over these next 10 difficult days. I hope you continue to write and share your journey with us.

  2. Ahh, you loved him enough that you let him go. That took a lot on your end. Sucks how just because it’s two guys, you can’t get a fiance visa, or even get married like the rest. Hang in there, things will get better… At least, one always hopes it does. Take care

  3. Well Chris, I have spent the better part of two days reading your posts from the beginning and have to say your story has invoked so many different emotions and thoughts that I’m thinking of running back to the closet!

    I am 43 married, 3kids, house in the burbs of DC and realized two years ago that I enjoy men sexually much more than women…and now have issues with being intimate with my wife. I was on the verge of spilling….but your post has scared the shit out of me!! The fear of being alone paralyzes me and I have no tolerance for gay drama bullshit.

    If you feel the urge to talk or commuicate offline, shoot me a note. Keep up the posts as I can already see several shortcuts in my process from your documented journey!

  4. Have you ever thought about booking passage on TC’s ship and surprising him?

  5. Casual reader. Keep your head up and spirits high. It will get better.

  6. Love coming along your journey! You’re my best gay mate in DC!

    Wishing you all the best for 2010! hang in there..you are as queer as they come!

  7. I, like many others, will only be too happy to be with you in your journey….

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