TC and I back in Germany having arrived from Rome last night. Photo above that I took of the Spanish steps. You must see Rome before you die. Our second trip, much more relaxed, I was content to sit on a corner with a gelato watching the throngs of tourists.
Last night will be the last “living together” evening TC and I will have for a while. Chris leaves for London tonight. Befitting, we ordered in Chinese food and watched “Brokeback Mountain” before heading off to bed. Our bedroom is on the roof, a gentle rain is falling, a cool wind blowing thru the open windows and periodic illuminations from the distant lightning. It was here that we made love for what may be the last time for a while (not counting that I’m planning on nabbing him today as well 🙂 ).
I had only seen Brokeback once in the theater, but this time I resonated with many of the themes of the movie. I don’t identify with all things gay, I identify with a person and right now that person is TC. He worries in his absence I’m going to hit the bars, find some cutie n’ crispy thing. What he hasn’t accounted for is his own impact on me. I’m different now than when we began.
Some higher force appears to enjoy throwing new challenges to me. I find someone that moves me emotionally, though we battle all the time and often I feel more like a parent than a partner. But now circumstances don’t allow us to completely be together.
In a perfect world, I would move back to DC, be near my children, get my own place and have TC come move in, settle in a bit. Neither one of us is going to find what we want by wandering the earth. He’s at a different position in life, he can afford to wander though. I can’t
Great things are often only awarded after great challenges, the months ahead will present many. If we’re meant to be together, fate and joint effort will be needed.