I’m reading my posts of the last few weeks and it reads like some angry young man journal. Bitch, bitch, complain, complain. But I look at the visitor log and wonder just why the hell you come around here each day to read me ranting about something. It’s when I think about you.
Looking back, I’m bordering 600 posts and almost three years into this, I gotta move on. The reality is there have been some very distinct phases of this married guy goes gay story. The (1) self discovery, (2) the brutal home wrecking portion, (3) the whoring around, (4) making peace with the family and (5) settling down. Now perhaps I had an all too brief ‘whoring’ around period, but how long do you have to be a whore before you know the drill? I’m clearly in Phase #5 here.
As I’ve written before Step #1 is hard, Step #2 can consume you forever if you’re not carefully and Step#3 (the whoring around) can become a lifetime, if you let it. Guys – all I can say is hurry and get to Phase #5 as fast as you can, the other Phases have many barbed edges.
The anger I have though is for TC. This tiny 130 lb disorganized brown stick, who can’t seem to figure out whether he’s saying hello or good bye to me. Like a wad of chewing gum stuck on your shoe, I feel his presence with each step and I can’t seem to simply scrap it away. He called tonight, at his auntie’s house in middle of who cares England, curled up, his tail twitching, to say ‘good night’. He’s sweet and syrupy and you know what, he’s the real deal. He can’t start or end his day without me.
But I/we/us/them/the universe has created a situation that is a labyrinth for our mutual relationship and I simply don’t know what to do. This is no longer a ‘coming out blog for gay married men’ this is a what the hell I am going to do with my life story and the good news, I hopefully appeal to a bigger audience.
I know that the issues I face may be trivial compared to real situations in your own life and hope that in some misguided way that my comical musings, rantings and uber-opinions on virtually everything help you in some warped way.