Richard is a cute 22-year old (thinking at my age any 22-year old is likely to be cute), I met him in a bar during a business trip to Chicago, we went out a couple of times, but didn’t hook up with him (leaving my dirt bag days behind I suspect). We’ve talked on the phone, he wants to see me again. I’m trying to move this relationship back to a friendship due to all the underlying circumstances. He’s not a happy camper about it.

We’re talking on the phone and find myself talking about this hot girl I’d chatted with the other night. Richard is silent. “What’s wrong? Why the silence all of sudden?”, I ask. Richard quietly starts, “I wish I could go back to being with women, but I can’t. Gay guys are so difficult to deal with.”

Richard, at his relative youth, has tidly summed up my entire conclusion of the gay world, it’s just difficult.

It’s now that realize I’m floating freely between hetero- and homo-, depending on who I’m with. I can change myself to fit. But what course do I want to set for myself, floating sounds unrewarding.