My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

All good things

The kids are long gone. I’m sitting in front of the evening telly, having made myself a small dinner, I’m watching the movie “Big Fish” with Albert Finney and I’m suddenly overcome with grief. The movie is about a son trying to learn from his dying father.

I’ve realized now that my time left on this earth is much less than the time I’ve already been here. Who I am today is more defined by what I’ve done than perhap what I will do. I hope I’ve done the right things.  I haven’t always. I can only hope I will do the right things going foward. I probably won’t though.

A funeral scene in the movie is rolling, the son is carrying his dying father through the woods, friends he has known in his life standing amongst the trees. Tears are streaming down my face. I’m thinking of a funeral in my own life. For my wife? My children? My mother, father? Me. You quickly realize who you truly love. Those for whom you will shed real tears. It’s a small group, it’s family or those you call family.

Despite my horrid actions, my family still exists. It just looks different now, but it’s still my family. Those for whom I will shed tears. I’m not sure anyone else will join this circle in my life remaining. The application form is long and tedious with membership being limited.

How often we hurt those in this inner circle of ours. The very people we should hold in the highest respect. The one’s we will truly miss when we or they are gone. The irony of one’s own life.

So I shed a tear tonight

1 Comment

  1. I hear you.
    But maybe you will add one more to that list. And don’t feel too hard about it all. You’ve done the best you can – it’s for your sons to make their own choices.

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