My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

A dream lives on forever

I embarked out on Friday night for a gay cocktail hour and no surprise a cute and yet older black guy caught my attention and wonders be to god, he actually lives in the same apartment building. I didn’t ask his age, but guess he was well into his 30’s. He professed his major accomplishment was a 2 1/2 year relationship. He nodded to let me know he was a serious “long term” player. A shared phone number and I disappeared into the night. He’ll have to reach out to me, he didn’t offer me his own number.

My apartment lease is up 1. January and it’s pricey to live close-in to Washington, DC. I’m not sure what I should do. It’s not like I’m whoring around in the city. But being out in the ‘burbs, I will truly be alone. I’m facing down 3 more weeks of solid travel, decided to go to Canada for Thanksgiving, need brown tiger time. I am wondering what the point of being in DC is yet again.

The relationship with TC is warm and loving though we often have all kinds of sparks between us. He’s high strung, I’m set in my ways. But I’m tired of being alone all the time.

It’s would be easy to enter whore mode, flip on the switch, put out the sign and whore away you can. But that’s empty calories. I’m not sure whether queers date. I’m not sure they date so much as inspect each. Sortof a Grade ‘A’ whore experience versus the drunk Grade ‘B’ quality screw session. In the end, something happens and your ‘date’ vanishes, communication ceases and the blackhole has swallowed another one.

TC and I are now past 3 years together. It is hard for me to explain the heat, the passion and the comfort we have together. I arrive in Toronto as if I’m just back from the corner shop and sometime late in the night, within our darkened room, buried beneath a thick pillowy down comforter, a little brown paw will feel it’s way in my direction, beckoning me to nudge over. Like 2 little Legos we will go snap together, I close my eyes and for those brief moments everything that has been and will be is suddenly irrelevant. My vision fades as sleeps takes hold.

If I only I could live in the nirvana of these few moments forever, but the morning dawns and I find my troubles neatly parked outside the door, patiently waiting for me to return, ready to nip at my heals and remind me that life is oh so not so simple.

1 Comment

  1. Chris: Cuddling is nice, especially with someone you love.

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