I’ve been on a quest to find a relationship similar to what I had in married life. Love, companionship and adding the element I really didn’t have, sex. I’ve been looking but perhaps its been right in front of me, my little Tiger Cub. TC doesn’t like to talk about his emotions for me and thus I felt we were just unlikely companions, together for a moment.
Up to this point, Chris withheld one sexual element from me, intercourse. He always said that’s reserved for someone he’s in a relationship with and he’s only had 3 guys do that with him. He’s been open about all his relationship and intercourse just isn’t his thing. I believe him. I know him that well now.
This blog isn’t graphic, plenty of those and I don’t wish to titillate you with sordid details of things I deem quite personal. But in the past weeks, TC and I have started having sex (yes that kind). Bareback.
I’m not talking a one time “oops” or some late night romp where we took a short cut. I’m talking sober, first thing in the morning, slow and deliberate. We both knew what was going on.
Yes, its hot, steamy and all that. So forgive me for having that little boy shit eating grin on my face. But I’m not writing about that. I’m writing about trust. We’ve both been tested recently. We both had talked about our previous sexual partners. We simply trust each other.
We had a chat about this at lunch. It’s a huge emotional commitment to me. I am the first person whose been with him in that way. He’s absolutely paranoid about HIV/STD, but he’s non-verbal action says something very deep and meaningful to me.
Much in our relationship has changed. Gone from an act of sex to a sign of intimacy and love. We interact differently.
Unprotected sex is probably stupid, whether with a man or woman. How hard is it to use a condom? It’s certainly not worth the risk. But its an binding signal of trust between 2 people. A unique bond and a bond which I plan to respect.