A beautiful day in London, so TC and I escaped on train to Brighton Beach. Bright blue skies, we’re sitting on the famous pebble beach. TC has brought along some picnic materials. We’re munching & drinking along. Pasty Brit boys going shirtless for the first time in the season.
I love sitting by the ocean, you seem to be at an end destination. The world simply stops and nothingness begins. No more worrying about today or what will be, there will simply be nothing, the warm breeze lapping at my face. I pour myself another glass of wine into my plastic cup. I can dream.
I’ll enjoy the entire day with TC. I often wonder what he’s thinking. It’s so hard for him to express his feelings. He wants to wander the earth and see things, yet he desires someone who loves him and that he loves back. He knows how lonely gay life can ultimately become if you fall to the siren’s song, guy upon guy. Life is always about choices, a decision to do one thing, means you often can’t do the other.
I often don’t know what TC wants, he hopes I pick up the weak signals he sends out. I’m half asleep back in our hotel suite, he’s taking a 4 hour shower, testing the hot water capabilities of the hotel. I awaken to a silent dark room, he’s in bed already. I paw across to pat him good night and realize he’s got nothing on.
He been laying there, silently waiting for me to pounce, hoping I will notice his faint desire. I do. But with all the things happening in my life, I often miss signals, overloaded with information I need to process. I hope I haven’t missed too many of his.