My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

I’m 4 years old

My story started in May 2006. I didn’t start writing about it until April 2007. Either which way you calculate, this is now 4 years in the making. Today, there are things that are easier and some that are not. I ponder each day, do I have anything to tell you, an experience to share, something humorous to bring a smile to you face, something sad to make you reflect or something that just makes you think.

These writings are in some odd way “War and Peace”  in Internet form, fed to you each day in bite size chunks, hoping you won’t realize you’ve read the 600 some odd postings here to be found. But I have been at war. Mostly with myself, occasionally with mankind in general. I press on though at this point unsure what the ultimate goal is. Perhaps it is indeed peace that I am seeking.

The hardest truth we all face is the acceptance that it is what is is. So much energy is devoted to trying to change the way our stream wants to flow. We are not ‘this’ as long as we want to be ‘that’. We spend countless hours trying to manage our various relationships, always trying to get people to behave slightly different that they are, hoping that with a little love, patience and effort – it can all be different.

To accept things at face value is an admission of defeat. Surely with effort, energy and ambition, it all can be changed. Changed to how we want it to appear.

Liking fighting the incoming surf, we brace for impact, willing ourselves forward. But perhaps we should simply let go and let the surf carry us, perhaps here is where we will all find peace.

6 Comments

  1. Accepting and loving ourselves for who we are now including our strengths and our weaknesses is NOT an admission of defeat. We all strive to better ourselves on a daily basis, but acknowledging that we are imperfect human beings sometimes we will fall short. This does not mean we should stop trying.
    I think the strife comes from trying to get to the finish line instead of living each day in the here and now and making each day as good as it can be. Peace can be obtained by living each day with integrity and honesty and knowing at the end of the day that we did the best we could. Whenever I have reflected on some of the major accomplishments of my life, I realized that the journey was ultimately more satisfying than the “ultimate goal”.

  2. WE are all on a journey..it never ends (until we die I guess). Thanks for sharing and caring.

  3. I’m ready to go surfing! Hawaii anyone?

  4. “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” – William Arthur Ward

  5. Sorry for all the quotes but they really hit upon the theme of the post.

    “Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.” – Margaret Young

  6. Staying Afloat

    April 15, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    Married 15 years, 51 days since D-day, first time poster: feet are in the water… inching in slowly… can’t resist the lure of the surf… and peace. Your blog has been important in my journey. Thank you.

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