My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story


Powering toward the weekend. A quick trip on the train gave me time to watch the movie, “The Namesake“. It’s the story of an Indian family that moves to the US and focuses on the cultural challenges faced by the oldest son. The son, born in the US, tries to be the “All American”, gets a white girl, then upon the death of his father, returns to his roots and marries an Indian girl that doesn’t turn out so well. A good flick.

The movie got me thinking on a several fronts. The brown snow tiger is seeped in culture from his Caribbean family. Very traditional roles, as a family member there are certain obligations you must adhere. In the movie, the Indian son is telling his white girl friend that any PDA is expressly prohibited in front of his family. This sounds a lot like TC’s family. Chris’s mother and father entirely lives circle around family. Their food culture as well, TC struggled to think of any other type of food other than Caribbean his mother has ever cooked. It’s just not done that way.

More importantly, the movie did speak about the importance of the family. But as I’ve found with TC, families have secrets. Things they don’t talk about.

The snow tiger and I had and are having frank discussions about what we will need to do to “move” our relationship forward into the next box. The question is whether we’ll be all talk or not. I’m worried about a relationship that can’t make it to the “family” stage. Friends, well we all like to think we have great friends (just look at Facebook), but my own live experience has shown none make it to the family stage. Even great friendships fall apart, often for the silliest of reasons. Friendships are made by experiencing life together and in this rush rush world, many of us fail to carve out time for our friends. It is thus incredibly sad when family members come to odds, who then is left for us to depend on?

I suspect my immediate family would welcome and endorse TC. The reality is his own family is likely never to endorse me. I will forever be an outsider and while TC may try, it will be quite frustrating to try to change their cultural DNA. So an outsider I shall be.


  1. Chris: Finally some movement in the right direction. TC could probably guilt his family into accepting you, there are ways. Obviously the more you show that you are a good thing and a positive influence, your chances succeeding increase. But TC has to be willing to buck some family notions to get you to a more level playing field. Is he strong enough to do that?

  2. Some people will never accept gay people or gay relationships. The important thing is that you are in love and someone loves you. That’s the main thing! I need some DC luviiing…and by that I mean to get laid!!!! It has been weeks!

  3. It sounds like you may have to look at a next step that does not include his family. I am somewhat in the same place with my boyfriend. We live together in the same town as his parents and sister, but he isn’t out to them. I am not putting any pressure on him about this, cause I know how hard it was for me to tell my family. Plus he would probably get disowned by his parents, this being a rather conservative, homophobic country.
    So I let him manage the balancing act however best he feels it. I have not met the parents, but have spoken to the sister a couple of times as his “girlfriend’s father” – the same role I have for his parents I imagine, and a couple of his friends. We love each other – that is the important thing.

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