Readership is up, though I haven’t done anything with much drama or interest of late. I suppose we’re all wondering just how this story will end up. I need to get divorced. I need to get my career back online. I need to get out of DC. 3 things. Bing, bang, boom. The good news I have decent magazines in my waiting room.
I continue to try to stay on point. Married men coming out experiences. There are plenty of gay bloggers bemoaning their never ending search for Mr. Right, where they went for dinner last night with their fag hag or pages of cute, stud, muscle, bear, twink, emo, daddy (my favorite) photos in mild to wild formats.
I have seen a pattern with married guys who run it off the rails. An incident happens either suddenly (for the smart ones) or a pattern of illicit behaviour for months or years (the not so smart ones), usually they get lucky and find somebody who for whatever reason pushes them over the edge. Continuing their genius, they ‘out’ themselves to the family without any real plan of action and all hell breaks loose. The true pussy boi, in a Humpty Dumpty moment, recognizes the mistake and tries to put it all back together again. I was just kidding folks.
Somehow they emerge in to the gay world, newly minted, singing “I wanna be free”. Ain’t gay life grand. OMG isn’t he cute, here kitty kitty kitty. Time to turn up the full whore burner, gotta catch up on what I’ve been missing. After a few times around on this merry-go-round, a feeling sets in. Is this it? The place looked bigger in the pictures. Suddenly some buyer remorse. OMG what have I done?
If you’re not following this story, my guess is you also were in the Thespians in high school and know the 8 basic designs for flower arrangements. Tada you’ve been a flaming fruit all your damn life, seems everyone knew it but you. Good at it I say.
Thus there appear to be the two models. Those who always should and finally did and those who did but weren’t always sure. The reality, there is more models, like DNA, no two individuals are alike, each story is different.
Each queer you meet has a story, their story, deeply personal for them. A story they’ve told and retold hundreds of times. They analyze it backwards and forwards much to the boredom of those around them. An unsolvable Rubik’s Cube. Some find peace, some submerge as a deep seated issue and others toss it about daily hoping the magic alignment will occur.
I’m in the ‘shake well before using’ camp. Whatever your story or whatever you are doing, Uncle Chris (Daddy for those under 30 and Sir for those over 40) says it’s OK. There is no right or wrong answer. No authoritative source to turn to for reference. Try to make the best decision possible you can, recognizing that you’re more likely wrong than right. Navigate from where you are, not where you’d like to be. Try and be nice. If in doubt, always turn left.