My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Wheels up

I’m sitting at the Rome airport. My 4 days in this great city is now over. TC is on a train to Florence. We had a fantastic time, Rome truly is a world city not to be missed, I could have stayed another week and still felt I hadn’t seen everything.

I’m sick of men, more trouble than they’re worth. I’ve resigned myself to just be alone. I’ve fast forwarded my way thru gaydom this far, why not just get to what is the final destination. I’m just tired of the entire scene. It’s so predictable.

When I married at 30, I was on life’s little train. Marriage, nice girl, have kids, settle down, raise kids, send them on into life, watch them start their life and then move into some golden period of your life. It’s like a classic movie that you’re willing to see over and over again. I was on that path, I liked that path. That path is no more.

TC returns to London Thursday night and I leave back to the U.S. on Friday. I’m going to break the news he needs to find a new place by May 3rd. I hinted a couple of times here in Rome. It’s been nice to have him around, I haven’t been terribly lonely. But I need to be alone, I need to start getting used to it.

So as quickly as I entered the gay scene, bars, gaydar, match.com, Village Drinks — I’m gonna leave it. No more energy left. I’m not depressed. I’ve had a great time. I’m just a strategic long-range thinker and I see beyond the fog.

7 Comments

  1. Chris, I think dating and clubbing are only small parts of being gay. There is a whole lot more. I wouldn’t quit being gay just yet – well, you can’t anyway. I just think there is more – much more. Don’t give up. Be happy – be yourself. xxoo

  2. hmmm…now do yo understand why I’m so jaded??? Imagine having 10 or so years of that scene! It does get old…but there is a lot of stuff you can do…travel, volunteer, etc. Come visit!

  3. Jo…
    You can find what you found in London in the US. You are just splitting up the two.
    You know there are a hell of a lot of opportunities waiting for you but your to scared…which is why you may like younger men?
    You have taken an incredible step and you did to congratulate yourself on this…
    Life is only just begining…
    Joe Simth

  4. Do you really think it’s too late to return to the path of reconnecting with your family? It seems like you miss them terribly.
    Being alone for awhile may be just what you need to sort out all the change you’ve recently experienced. The greatest periods of growth and knowledge in my life came when I was truly alone…it’s not such a bad thing to take time to figure out what you want to do with the next 50 or so years of your life…I am so rooting for things to work out for the best for you! Every morning when you wake up, it’s a new chance, a fresh start at doing something better or different than the day before. The cool thing is that you get to decide what “different and better” means. Not the world, not pleasing other people, just you! Many, many blessings!!

  5. Mate, I agree with Sunshine – the dating, clubs etc is just a small part. You are a sensible man – that comes across very clearly, and you articulate yourself very well. It’s reassuring to see that you have a level head and can see past all the bullshit! Be happy within yourself – the time alone will be good for you. Big hug!

  6. I think you’re being a bit dramatic. Clearly you’re gay! 🙂 You are far to social of a being to ever be alone. You’ll continue to date, and continue to expand your circle of friends in the process. Traveling is always great fun. Come visit ChiTown, then head off to visit Single Guy. Oh…damn… we have jobs 🙂 Besos.

  7. This is the first really honest, really sensible post you’ve made. Good for you.
    By the way:
    1. I’m not angry or hurt. I was busy getting engaged. Heterosexuals have adventurous lives, you know.
    2. Uzbekistan is in central Asia, next to Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, Afghanistan etc (one of your previous posts 😉 ). Also know for it’s oppressive regime – “an authoritarian state with limited civil rights.”
    3. Why does this last point remind me of some of the attitudes from some of the gay people you’ve met? Why are people telling you who you are the whole time? You’re free. Judge for yourself.
    4. Choose a life you’ll be proud of at the end.

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