Getting up to speed on ME
Welcome! If you’re reading this, I’ll assume you’re on some journey yourself, whether you’re 21 or 41, waking up and admitting your gay is tough. I started this blog because I didn’t easily find others in my situation. So I hope my own story helps you.
I’ve been married 16 years to an attractive and supportive wife and 2 teen age boys and live in the suburbs of Washington, DC. I always related better to guys all my life. I didn’t date in college or high school (first warning sign). But did have a long term GF and a couple of other female flings in my late 20’s before getting married.
I’ve always appreciated an attractive guy though it didn’t really register. I got a bit into porn (hey, someone’s fueling this multibillion dollar industry) and over a period of 10 years realized I could get into some gay stuff. It didn’t really register with me as bad nor did I act on this. I’m just a normal guy, right? In fact, I didn’t have a single inappropriate encounter until late in the game. I was devote and loyal husband and partner.
The Story Began
In 2005, I met some who ultimately unleashed me and defined “my type” of guy. His code name is Kenny. Late 20’s, brown skinned, slight build, shorter than me, almond eyes, long dark brown hair, soft manner. We started talking and boy did we talk, on the phone, via email and chat sessions. Every day for a solid year, we chatted about a wide range of topics. I fell in love with him. I tried to tell him about my feelings, but the words wouldn’t come out.
As I was struggling with this, along came Ramez (late 20’s as well), he had been a marketing intern from 8+ years ago at a previous company and lived in Mexico City. We’d always been friends and one day in 2006 he told me he was gay and that he “liked” me. Well – that’s all I needed and off I went to Mexico City. Ramez is the first guy I slept with.
I eventually came out to my wife in early 2007. I didn’t have much of a plan. Just needed the story to move on. It was a horrible emotional experience for her. I didn’t want to be gay. I was trying hard.
The story is complex and you’re gonna have to read the entire blog to find it all out. But the ‘net is, after 2 years of back n’ forth, I moved out of my house in January 2008 and took up residence in jolly ole London, UK. There I almost immediately found the live-in company of a sweet 23 year old and that’s where the story is today. His name is TC.
Despite our 23 year age difference (yes, 23 years), we’ve lived together for just over 2 years, there has been a lot of fighting and grinding as our two ships came together, but there has also been a lot of love. TC might be immature in any number of regards, but he’s been quite solid on the emotional front. I’ve learned a lot about life from him and thru him and wouldn’t have wanted my journey to not have had him as a part.
I’m white (big surprise), 6’2″, 185 lbs. Lots of salt n’ pepper hair and pretty average, I like nice clothes, good restaurants and reasonably intelligent. For the most part I don’t look nor act my age. I have a big sense of humor and that’s probably helped me weather this storm. I also come off as straight (seeing as how that’s the life I led).
UPDATE: March 2010
TC moved with me to live in our own place in Washington, DC in January 2009. He was not legal to live here, got a job below his standard (he’s a hair stylist, yes I know, keep the jokes to yourself). But he didn’t like DC and my own problems with work and financial aspects, worried him.
In January 2010, he left me to take a position onboard a cruise ship. We haven’t broken up. He loves me. I love him. But he needed to get an honest job and so will float around on a boat until I can get my life sorted. I’m not happy about it. Though I am happy he is pursuing his interests after almost a year of waiting on me.
So there, now you know me.