My Trip Out

Gay married man coming out story

Category: Public (page 1 of 289)

2017 – I need to write more often

Was about to shut this blog down until I realized it still gets some regular readers. Consider my last article was written in 2015, it’s fair to say – I’m not a prolific writer. But you’re here and the material may still be relevant so it remains ‘alive’ so to speak.

It’s hard to believe that 12+ years have passed since I started this journey. A lot has changed in terms of public perceptions. However, if you’re married with kiddies and discover you’d like to get naked with Hank down at the plant perhaps my story may still have some relevance. My story though is some unique, yours will be  too.

I’m still with Scrappy, my boyfriend read partner and this month (November) we will celebrate 12 years together. It strikes me only a small % of gay men manage to have long term relationships, many get caught up in the never ending hunt for the perfect cock. But what is long term and does this really matter?

San Francisco is super gay so we don’t elicit so much as an odd stare but as we’ve traveled we’re much less an oddity than in the early days. For the most part people don’t care. In many respects, all the ‘drama’ in this blog was my own doing and I couldn’t have saved everyone (myself included) a long drawn out series of stories by just getting on with things.

My wife and I are still ironically married, though she has a boyfriend. He’s an older guy,  Latin, he has a lot of touchy feel’y discussions which I don’t care for. But she’s happy, so that’s all I needed.. We all spent Christmas together last year as a Modern Family. My kids are all fine, one has graduated university, calls me every day, has a good job and getting on with his profession. The other, more artisty, will likely have a bit more interesting path.

I have not climbed the hump of telling people my ‘status’. Perhaps I’m from a long forgotten era. I’m not sure why, I don’t think anyone would care at this juncture and I seem more mysterious by not talking about people in my life. I still need to work on this, I’m not sure anyone would have negative reactions as they may have previously. So if you’re just now joining the club, it’s a great time.  I can only imagine what it was like in the 60’s or 50’s or 30’s. My journey was fair easier. Yours will be as well.

The gay life is pretty boring. It’s nearly identical to being married. Cook, clean, hangout, watch TV, a little travel. We rarely go to gay venues (mostly because I’m not allowed), have no gay friends (mostly because I’m not allowed – see below) to a large extend we continue to exist much like we did in the early days. Neither of our families have any clue what’s going on. Again I think this is a problem.

Like any marriage, sex becomes less interesting with time and a tiger must keep his claws sharpened (right)! So I’m guilt of being flirt and somehow I still got game (though Scrappy tells me it’s all imaginary) and I regularly get into trouble for chatting someone up. This usually ends with Scrappy bounding over scaring my new found friend away and me getting a good lecture. Some things never change.

So read on and good luck with your own experience!

The pages herein

cb707736f573f07d8e9d00512f0c6da0Is it 2015 already? Figured it was time to refresh here (at least once a year). If you’ve arrived at the blog, you likely have been searching about on the Internet on this topic and managed to get here. I suggest starting this blog using the link “Read from the Beginning.” It’s a short, it’s a novel, it’s a made for TV movie. A lot of hairy moments, some funny episodes and plenty of personal drama to keep you entertained for hours. It’s all true. It all really happened just like I’ve written.

Time has aged this blog. I don’t write much any more. My story has moved on. Readership has fallen, you’re one of probably 10-20 visitors today. But those readers tend to read the entire website. I gather they get some value from it thus I leave the blog running. Running for you.

I hope you get some answers from the questions I tried to answer. I often feel I answered more wrong than right. In the dark quiet of night I often asked myself why I did this and where is this now going. But these are questions we all ask ourselves, no matter who we are.

So enjoy and good look on your own trip out.

I screw up, but I’m still discriminated against

Recently I was the MC at technology conference where my job was to keep the audience awake during speaker change overs. For fun, we had two raffles and I had asked one of the girls (a 20-something) who was working for one of the sponsor companies to come up and help with the drawing. The hot room was packed with a mostly male audience and the A/C was struggling to keep up, in introducing the girl I said, “well guys the I’m sorry the room is hot but to make the room a little hotter let me introduce XYZ to help with our drawing.”

The event went on and we had another raffle and again I called her up again for the raffle and again referred to her hotness (she’s really sort of average looking to be honest). The event continued and I was there at the back of the room and some dour old bitch came up to me how she “didn’t appreciate all the sexiest comments” and walked off. Realizing perhaps my comment wasn’t welcome I quickly found the girl (she’d been helping me for weeks with the event and we’d gotten on well) and profusely apologized.

Well as bitches do, one of girl’s colleagues at the event likely gets all excited about this sexual harassment or at best in appropriate comment and returns to the office complaining. Couple of days later, the CEO (someone I know) sends me a short note saying he had a complaint, while he wasn’t there, he felt it was inappropriate and basically told me to go fuck myself in them doing anything with me for the next 8 or 9 thousand years (your mileage will vary). Clearly he needed to ensure the damn bitch didn’t try and sue him in the litigation prone US (it’s all about money in businesses, don’t let anyone fool you).

Ironically, at lunch today with another CEO (who wants to hire me) he’s explaining to me how they have extra sensitive people (whatever that means) and how they recently hired a woman who had complained about woman harassment (not sexual, just a work place against women in general) at another large tech company by no less the CEO. Long story short – that CEO was forced to resign.

I’m talking to Scrappy about all of this. Women love him, every women turns into a fag hag around him. He denoted I do lack sensitivity sometimes but he remarked about what level of discrimination I might face as a 50-something homo with kids/family and a now 31 year old brown hair stylist partner. Indeed, most of my life is submerged. If I go way public, no one would say a thing, but no doubt I might find few opportunities. I often wonder what is said behind my back (not that I care all that much).

Now before you start writing a nasty comment. My off the cuff comment to this poor girl was wrong. It was inappropriate in any setting and particularly a public setting. No excuses. I’m guilty. More concerning is we (mainly in the US) go to DefCon 1 perhaps too quickly.

While the gay world has made great strides. Plenty of people remain uncomfortable and downright hostile toward the gay community. Gays in the work force suffer a silent harassment.

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